Oh Bugger!
by SwirlyTwirlyDwirly
Summary: A seventeen year old girl gets transported back in time to Tortuga, and is 'saved' by a certain ex commodore.
1. Oh Bollocks

**Oh Bugger**

"…" - Spoken

_Thoughts_

Summary: A girl from 2007 gets transported back in time to Tortuga, and gets 'saved' by a certain ex commodore.

**This story is dedicated to our favorite skating buddy, Amaia...who broke her wrist on the first week she came over to visit and skate with us from Spain!**

**We miss you so much, girl...and we cannot WAIT for you to come back and skate with us again!!!!**

**Love, Mads and Cokes!**

_'Conscience'_

/Thoughts/

"Regular"

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Madasyn: So, yeah, we don't own Disney or Pirates of the Caribbean.

Corinne: Yeah...we just borrow them.

Madasyn: Like we borrowed this story from someone on another webiste, and tweaked the title.

Corinne: Yeah. REVIEW!

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Chapter One: Oh Bollocks

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Atlantic Ocean/Caribbean Sea: 1794

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"I am beginning to think that it's never going to happen to me, Gillette," a tall, intimidating man wearing a white-powdered wig said in a despairing voice, gazing out at the ocean from his spot on his ships helm.

The slightly shorter man standing next to him raised an eyebrow. Usually the other man was never this talkative. Granted he had only said one thing, but when you were out at sea for three months with no one else to talk to besides the man that NEVER talked, this was certainly a feat. "Sir?"

"I'm such a fool. What is the world coming to?"

Gillette stared at him, totally confused. "Begging your pardon, Sir, but what ARE you going on about?"

The man sighed. "I'm talking about love."

Gillette looked surprised. "Love, Sir?"

"Yes. At the rate I'm going, I'm never ever going to fall in love again. It's something that's just tickling in my gut."

"Begging your pardon again, Sir, but why are you bringing this up now?"

"Because I'm getting old, Gillete. Old and wrinkly and no woman in their right mind would ever take a second gander in my direction."

"Don't say that, Sir."

"Then what do you suppose I say?"

"Sir, you're only twenty-three."

The man hung his head. "That's old."

"No it's not," Gillette protested. Maybe if he was a good boy then he'd get a piece of chocolate or something.

The man gave him a wry smile. "Your nose is growing."

"..."

"I thought I was in love, once, but that proved not to be the case. It was more infatuation, really. She's happier now."

"Are you talking about Miss Swann, Sir?"

"Is it that obvious?"

"You didn't love her, Sir?"

"I believe that I thought I did. Perhaps it just was my promotion getting to me. And the fact that I refuse to marry any of the other skitter brains back home in Port Royal. Heavens above, they frighten me! Did you know that Mr. Emerison's daughter actually snuck into my house during the night?"

Gillette gasped. "Good Lord!"

The man sighed in exasperation. "I know! I know!"

Gillette shook his head. "I'm sorry, Sir, but it's just...I never pegged you as the type to want true love in the first place."

"Really?"

"Yes. I mean, I had assumed you were interested in Miss Swann, for naval reasons, being the fact that most men of your status are married...but true love?"

A sigh. "Yes."

"That's quite a lot to ask for...with being a Commodore and all."

"You make a valid point, Gillette." The man replied, shielding his eyes against the sun. "Are we gaining on them?"

Gillette peered out to where the other man's eyes were wandering, noting the small-looking ship in the distance.

But he wasn't fooled by its appearance. Not in the slightest.

"It appears so."

"Groves!" he shouted down to another man, who was busy adjusting the rigging. "Are we close?"

"Sir!" Groves called back. "At the rate we're going, we should be on them by nightfall."

Green eyes gleamed in the sunlight. "Excellent."

_'Shows us what you can do, Pirate...even WITH one day's head start!'_

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Marrion High School/Monday: 2007

_Bring! Bring! Bring_!

"Okay, good…there's the late bell," a worried voice rang out, causing the only other occupant in the room to wince. "Did you see the _look_ that he gave Andrew in class today? He seriously looked psychotic!"

"Yeah, only me and half the class!" the wincing girl replied, tearing her shirt off at a dangerously fast speed.

"Ugh."

"Seriously, Maya…you should report his ass…he's almost as scary as Mr. Anderson."

"Yeah, and get Peterson on my back? God knows how I can't afford to fail this gym class!"

"Yeah. Me neither."

"Besides…that lady scares the shit outta me…and he's her favorite student anyways. She'd defend him."

Seventeen-year old Amaya Brown hurriedly tossed her gym shorts into the tiny locker before taking a good look around the locker room.

_'Oh shit…'_

"Robyn, please! Just put on your damn earrings some other time! We've got to get out of here!" she snapped frantically, gesturing towards the door with both hands. "He might try and TALK to us...and you know that he'll talk about weird things like that 'Naruto' crap he watches!"

"I'm going, I'm going!" the raven-haired girl cried, jamming the pointed end into her earlobe. "Gods, girl…what did you do to make him so mad?"

"I didn't do anything!" she wailed, running her hands through her hair. "_He's_ the crazy one! All I said to some people was that he's been stalking me. You've seen him do it! I swear to GOD that he's been _stalking_ me!" she ranted, watching as her friend grabbed her backpack, and tossed it over one shoulder.

"Yeah, I know. Okay, c'mon! If we move it we can still-" Robyn began, forcing the heavy door open with a grunt.

"Amaya."

"-avoid him…" the words died on her lips as she made an extremely weird face, causing her cute, little freckles to scrunch up.

_'Goddamn it.'_

"Dude." Robyn snorted, looking as though she were going to burst out gut-laughing at any given moment. "He waited outside the freaking _locker-room_ just so that he could _talk_ to you. For a CHANCE to talk to you!"

"Not helping," Amaya hissed, giving her a deadly glare.

Goddamn it. Why, oh why did she try to be nice to him? It was only that one time, and besides…she had felt bad for him!

And now…now he was following her around like some freaking poodle on crack, and not only that, it was scaring the shit out of her…and it was getting pretty damn annoying!

_'Shit, shit, shit…turn the other way…quick…gotta get out of here…if people see us with him our lives as we know them are over-'_

Amaya shifted her weight from one foot to the next, fidgeting slightly as she quickly took in her surroundings.

Perhaps there was a door around somewhere that she could escape out of?

"Uhm…hi, Tyler." she muttered softly before she took a sideways glance at her friend, her short dark hair falling past her shoulders.

"You mean Ty-QUEER?" Robyn snickered.

"I SAID 'not helping'!"

He didn't smile. He looked creepy upset.

"I hear you've been telling people that I've been stalking you," he said in his creepy-I-stalk-you-voice.

It wasn't a question.

"Uh…ha, ha…no…whatever gave you that idea?"

"I heard you."

Amaya's face turned pale.

_'Crap.'_

Robyn didn't need much more of a warning before she shoved her brunette friend in the direction of the door.

"Run for it, Maya!" she hollered before kicking Jason as hard as she could in the side, and taking off after her.

Oh, and run Maya did.

"Ugh. How could this day get any worse?" she wailed to Robyn as they stopped abruptly by the side of the road when they knew he wasn't following. Almost as soon as she said that, all of a sudden, it started pouring.

And not just potential pouring. _Downpouring_.

And a crash of thunder sounded.

"..."

(Q music)

_Soooooy un perdedor I'm a loser babyyyyy, so why dont you kill meeeeee?_

(_Get crazy with the cheese whiz_)

"I hate my life."

_'I just wish that for once in my life, something would go right. I wanna get out of this dump.'_

They were both crossing the street when it happened.

She didn't even know why it did, really. They had the right of way, after all. And why had _Robyn _managed to get out of the way?

"Damn, that's nice..." Eric, a major idiot that should NOT have had his license, groaned as his girlfriend kissed his neck, completely ignoring the road.

"Hey!" Robyn shrieked, suddenly, breaking her out of her stupor. "Look out!!!"

"Look out...?" Brown eyes squinted in the dimming sunlight before the bright red Volkswagon came into view.

"Oh shit."

"Eric---look out!"

"HOLY FUCK!!!"

And strangely enough, the only thing that could really come to her mind was: _'Ohmigod. I'm gonna get squashed by a __**car**__. What an embarrassing way to die. How unoriginal...people are gonna be __**giggling **__at my funeral.'_

She was so absorbed in trying to shield herself that she failed to notice the strange, green flash of light surround her body, and all that she could hear was the sound of tires squealing, as whoever it was, tried hitting the breaks.

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"

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Atlantic Ocean/Caribbean Sea: 1794

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"Sir!" cried a worried Gillette, as the crew tried desperately to hoist the main sails, as rain pounded down crazily all around them. "The hurricane has gotten too strong! I don't think the ship can take it! We must turn back!"

"Keep going!" the other man roared, eyes blazing. "We've come too far to let them get away!"

"But Sir!"

"Go!"

He squinted in the darkness, trying to make out whatever it was ahead. "I think I can see them!" But alas, that was not the case.

_'Good Lord, what on Earth is THAT?'_

He let out an uncharacteristic screech as a bright green light clogged his vision.

_'You be wantin' true love, aye?'_ a soft, feminine voice inside his head chided. _'Then you best be getting yer wish, James Norrington.'_

_'WHAT?'_

_'Yew just have to recognize it when it comes to ye.'_

Then the light grew brighter.

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Tortuga/Monday: 1792

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_'Aye, child...it's time fer ye to be wakin' up...'_

A soft, feminine voice slowly crept into her mind and she scruched up her face, trying to fall back into the peaceful slumber that had somehow overtaken her.

_'I just got hit by a car. Lemme die.'_ She thought to herself, trying to roll over. The voice laughed.

_'Yew not be dead, child. Yew been brought here for a reason.'_

_'To die?'_

_'No. What be it with yew an' dyin'?'_

_'Go away. This is just my conscience trying to force me awake.'_

_'I not be your conscience, child.'_

_'Shut up and go away.'_

The voice was quiet for a moment.

_'Alright child, I be yer conscience.'_

_'Hn.'_

_'Don't be frightened when yer be wakin' up, child. Things may be lookin' differen' but I can assure yew you be safe frem harm.'_

_'Okay...'_

_'And hopefully during yer time 'here, you'll be able to save more than yourself...'_

_'Then all that happens...will just be a dream?'_

_'Aye, yes...only a dream,' _the voice said, doubtfully '_...now wake up, child! The world be waitin'!'_

**Insert Time Skip:**

'_Sunlight? Am I dead?_

_No...I can't be dead. I can still feel._

_Hospital? Maybe...'_

Amaya groaned, blinking slowly as she rubbed her head, trying to sit up. The first thing she noticed was the odd, throbbing sensation taking place up in her brain, but that could have been happening for a number of reasons that she was choosing to ignore at the given moment.

'_Was that my sixth life? Eh...I'll just say it was my fourth.'_

Something hard pressed against her back and she threw herself on her hands and knees, coughing slightly. There was a weird taste in the back of her throat, so she yawned loudly. Her mother always used to say that it calmed your nerves, or kept you from throwing up at least.

'_Did someone push me out of the way? Am I on the sidewalk? I could hear someone screaming...so it could have been her that managed to...wait, who the fuck was DRIVING that car anyways because I SOOOO had the right of way, that dumbass fucker! Or maybe I'm still dreaming...it's all that faggot Tyler's fault! If he hadn't been-'_

"Excuse me, Miss…but are you doing service this early?"

Amaya froze in the middle of trying to get to her feet, butt planted face-first into the air.

'_Oh crap. Who's that?'_

She glanced up in confusion, expecting to see the paramedics, her father or Robyn, or something, but was instead met with the gaze of a young man who couldn't have been too much older than she was.

She certainly hadn't seen him around school before. Most of the guys at Spencerport were uglier than sin, but not this guy. He seemed too pretty for his own good.

Quite the looker if she did say so herself with gorgeous blonde hair and keen blue eyes.

"S-Service?" she raised an eyebrow. "Do you mean the ambulance? Am I going to die?" she questioned, looking scared. Her poor head was still feeling really dizzy, so she really didn't have any idea what he was babbling on about.

He looked confused. "Ambulance? Uh...no...what's an ambulance?"

"How do you not know what that...ugh...never mind..." she groaned, the nauseous feeling returning. "Do you think that you'd be able to help me up?"

"Yes, of course…" the boy replied, hoisting her to her feet, "Did you spend the night here? It isn't too often that you see such an attractive girl sitting on the streets…you surprised us."

"Us? Attractive?" He nodded his head and for the first time Amaya noticed the slim brunette standing behind him. "What are you guys ON?"

"What do you mean?"

"I'm not pretty at all."

He raised an eyebrow, and scoffed. "You're funny."

"…"

"I'm Harry," the blonde gestured to himself with a small smile before pointing to his companion, "And that's Jim."

The other one grinned before shoving his hands into his pockets.

Amaya nodded. "Yo."

"We wanted to know if you'd be…more than happy to oblige for the both of us. At the same time. We've got loads of money, and it's always been a fantasy of ours to partake in the company of such a pretty lady…"

Amaya raised an eyebrow. "What are you talking about? Is this some sort of fancy medical lingo?"

Harry looked confused.

"Medical lingo? Aren't you a prostitute?"

Amaya's eyes widened considerably before she jumped back in shock, swaying at the amount of weight she had put on her still recovering feet. Damn it…she shouldn't have been walking yet…she seriously felt as though she were going to vomit.

"No!" she spoke defiantly, clutching at the wall. "Why the _hell _would you think that?"

Both men glanced at each other before starting forwards.

"Lady...you were lying on the street corner."

She blinked, taking in her surroundings.

'_Holy shit! Is that...a HORSE?'_

"I just got hit by a _car_, and you're asking if I'm a _prostitute_?!"

"Are you...alright, Miss?"

"You have the _nerve _to ask me if I'm OKAY?" she hollered, jabbing a finger into his chest. "Did you not _see _that thing HIT me? What the hell is your PROBLEM?!"

"Our problem? We thought that you'd be happy…most prostitutes don't get much business out here."

"I'm NOT a prostitute!" she shouted, standing her ground. "I don't even know what the hell I'm doing here! This place doesn't look familiar at all!"

_'Wait a second...'_

Harry made a face. "Don't try and lie to us."

Jim grabbed her shoulders roughly. "We're not fools. Why else would you be here?"

"Because I-"

"Because WHAT?"

Uh oh. These two didn't look so much like cute boys anymore.

"Look, I don't know, alright? Let me go!"

"No."

"Look, seriously, I'm not a prostitute! The most I've ever done with a guy is french-kiss! I'm a total PRUDE...wait, why am I telling you this?"

"Not a prostitute? I certainly say you are. Just look at what you're wearing!" Amaya took a quick gander down at her outfit through blurry eyes. A jean miniskirt, white tank top, black Harley Davidson motorcycle boots, and a large, baggy gray sweatshirt that belonged to her Dad? How was that-?

"Is everything all right here, gentlemen?"

"Hey, buddy, back it off. You can have her later---we got here first."

'_Oh no…not another one.'_

"It doesn't seem like she wants to have fun just now, does it? I suggest that you release that woman at once."

"Or else what?"

"I shall see to it that you gentlemen rot in jail for the rest of your miserable lives."

And at that moment she could hear the scraping of metal; a knife or something equally as nasty being drawn from its sheath.

'_Ahh…! They're going to kill something! They'll probably kill them and rape me! Quick…move it while they're distracted! Move…move…move! Remember what your father taught you! Move it!'_

She took off down the side of the wall, limping as quickly as she could. She was almost out of range before she slipped on something soggy, and fell right on her face.

SPLOSH!

'_Eww…'_

The noise was not unnoticed by the others.

"Clumsy, little thing…"

"Eh…she's probably a good lay, though..."

"Eyes to yourself, gentlemen, and mind your manners. One does not ogle or cuss in the presence of a lady."

Harry smirked. "I'm getting sick of you being all polite and crap...you a knight or something, old-timer? Because if you are, why don't you run off and go wash the ass of someone who cares with your _chivalry_?"

He didn't get the chance to say anything else as the rim of the blade was pressed up and against his throat.

"Care to repeat that?" they questioned, voice barely above a threatening whisper. Amaya gaped in awe at the sight, as the ever-so-seemed-to-be calm Harry shook his head quickly, body trembling in horror.

The masked figure quickly moved to the side of the wall, so that they were standing in front of the teenage girl, blocking Amaya from their view.

Jim raised his fist to punch, but he was too late. The hilt of the long sword rammed straight into his stomach and he fell down, reeling, and gasping for air.

Harry mumbled something out, bent down, grasped his arm, and hauled him up.

It wasn't too long before they both took off, swearing at the man behind them. Amaya choked out a tiny "Thanks" before trying to resume her crawling away.

...until a booted foot stepped right on top of her hand. She looked up pathetically.

"H-Hi?"

"Hello."

Whoever it was took a good look at her. Less then a second later she was hoisted up and onto the supposed man's admittingly muscular shoulders with her butt in the air like she was being dragged back to his cave or something.

Shocked at first, she managed to gain her wind back in seconds, kicking and screaming like some helpless idiot. She was NEVER going to live this down! EVER!

"Oh no! Don't kill me!" she shrieked, flailing around like a fish.

"Relax, and do stop screaming," they coaxed, and she was surprised that their voice held such a soothing quality. "I do not intend to do anything of the sort."

"Then put me down!"

"With an ankle like yours, you should not be walking in that condition. At least not for an hour."

An angry expression set on her face. "I don't need to be rescused, asshole!"

"Of course you don't."

"What's _that_ supposed to mean?"

"Nothing. Damn, you really smell. Are you sure that you're not a hooker? You certainly look the part."

"I'm going to kill you when you put me down."

"I'm sure you will."

"Don't be a smart-ass! Just who the hell do you think that you are?!"

"..." He didn't reply.

"HEY!" she screeched before managing to smack him a good one. "I asked you a question!"

He sighed, before shifting her weight and adjusting the dingy hat that he wore. "The name is Norrington."

"Oh."

_'This guy...saved me.'_

"Hn."

'_I guess he isn't gonna hurt me after all.'_

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Madasyn: Well...there you have it, the first chapter! Tell us what you think!

Corinne: Wow! That took longer then expected.

Madasyn: That's because you type with only one finger, dumbass.

Corinne: Shut up! I do not!

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TBC:

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	2. Oh, The Wonders of Skeet

**Oh Bugger**

"…" - Spoken

_Thoughts _

Summary: A girl from 2007 gets transported back in time to Tortuga, and gets 'saved' by a certain ex commodore. You thought that you had problems? All that they ever seem to do is fight! To top it off, throw a horny and not to mention devious Jack Sparrow into the mix and chaos endues!

Madasyn: Okay, so the script is pretty modern because we didn't feel like writing it ALL in ye old English and plus...it's kind of HILARIOUS when Norrington doesn't act his age!

**To all of our loyal reviewers...you guys kick total ASS! We wouldn't know what to do without you!!!**

'_Conscience'_

/Thoughts/

"Regular" 

P.S. Please don't ask us wut skeet is. You really don't wanna know. Trust us on this.

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Chapter Two: Oh, The Wonders of Skeet!

After what seemed to be quite the long walk, Amaya felt herself being chucked into an empty seat.

Norrington, or so he called himself, sat down heavily across from her, his torso sprawled out across the tiny table that stood between them.

"Two kegs," he said to a weird, little midget guy sitting nearby. "Quickly, please."

A split second later two heavy mugs were slammed down and onto the table. Norrington's eyes seemed to gleam as he downed the thing in one go.

Amaya sniffed the liquid, making a face. "What _is_ this?"

"Rum."

"As in alcohol?" 

"...what else would it be?"

There was an abrupt silence.

"What am I?" she finally asked, looking exasperated.

He stared at her incredulously for a moment. "...short?"

She glared at him. "No! How old do you think that I am?"

His face scrunched up in thinking. "'Twenty?"

She blinked.

He looked at her expectantly.

"Uhm…no…"

"Really? Then how old are you, then?"

"Seventeen."

"Oh. Three years off? Close enough, I reckon."

"Yeah…I'm not finishing this conversation."

_"I'm not finishing this conversation,"_ he mocked.

"Dude...and just how old are _you_? _Five_?" 

"I'm here to become quite intoxicated, and that's an extremely good excuse to be able to act like a child."

"Tch, whatever. How old _are_ you, then?"

He looked uncomfortable. "Do I really have to answer that?"

"Yeah. You do. C'mon, I told you my mine!"

"…"

"C'mon Micheal Jackson, spill the beans!"

"WHOM?" 

"Nevermind, freak-show. Just tell me before I punch you in the face."

He hung his head.

"My age is...twenty-three."

"Alright then," she smiled slightly. "Was that so hard?"

"Yes." 

"Why?"

"Because."

"Are you embarrassed or something?"

"No."

"I think you a-a-a-re!" said said in a sing-songy voice.

"I am not."

"You ashamed to be that old?" 

Another pointed glare. "It's not old!"

"Whatever. I think I see a gray hair."

"Be quiet."

"Sure thing, old-timer...now let me drink in p-peace...ohmigod! Blech!"

Nasty! It tasted like cement!

"T-That's disgusting!" she gasped, furiously trying to rub the stuff off of her tongue.

Norrington watched her in amusement, shoulders shaking.

"I thought you asked me to let you drink in peace...?"

"Shut up, you freak!"

"If you do not want to indulge yourself, I'll have it."

She flicked an imaginary piece of dust off her shoulder. "All the power to you. Knock yourself out."

He downed half of the thing in less time than the first one.

Amaya made another face.

"You're either really thirsty, or you're a drunk. Dude...you got a _disease_." 

"Would a drunk carry a sword?"

"Yeah, if they _stole_ it."

Ouch!

"Touche."

He took another long swig, making loud, gurgling noises.

"Have you...ever gotten drunk before?" she blinked, looking rather disturbed.

"Not on rum. I actually find it quite revolting."

"Then why are you drinking it?"

"It's cheap."

"Ah."

A drizzle of booze dripped down his five-o'-clock shadow and he wiped it away, brushing his long, greasy hair out of his face at the same time.

"Well, I'd just like to point out that you look 'uber sexy' when you drink," she said sarcastically. "You have got to be the hottest guy I've EVER seen."

"Oh?" 

"Uh..." she watched as he licked the edges of the mug, turning a peculiar shade of green.

"Why thank you, then," he replied nonchalantly. "Drinking causes me to feel the need for a woman's touch."

Oh God.

She shifted uncomfortably, looking around. "Does that mean it gets you horny?"

He stared at her, confused. "What on earth does that mean?"

She sweat dropped. This wasn't going anywhere. "Never mind..."

He shrugged. "If you don't mind me asking, why is your hair is so short?" 

"Uhm...cause I like it?"

"It makes you resemble a man."

"WHAT?"

"I believe you heard me."

She began twitching uncontrollably. "How the hell is shoulder-length hair too short?"

He shrugged again. "Women should keep their hair long and silky."

"I don't need advice from a drunk!"

"For the last time...I AM NOT A DRUNK...so please kindly stop referring to me as one."

"Well you're ugly, then!"

"And so are you." 

"HEY--I am not!"

"Are too."

"Am not!"

"Are too."

"AM NOT!!!" 

"Yeah, okay, you keep telling yourself that."

He rolled his eyes, shaking his head in disdain before speaking again.

"Lord God almighty...maybe it's a good thing that I'm not getting married. Women are so complicated that it's beginning to sicken me."

"Wait! You're getting married?!"

"…"

"Geez! She must be hideous if she's reduced you to THIS then!"

"…"

"I mean-"

"You're foolish," he interrupted, shaking his head. "To think that we actually _need_ you to reproduce-"

"What do you mean I'm 'foolish'?!" she all but screamed, causing a few people to look over at them.

"…I WAS going to be married."

"Oh. So you were _engaged_?" she said, looking somewhat surprised.

He waved his hand. "...yes."

"Did…did she leave you?" 

"..."

"Oh. I see now. That's why you seem so sad, right? You poor, poor hermit."

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Yeah, whatever. Spare me the bullshit, angst-queen."

"Excuse me?" his eyebrow rose, and it was the first time that she noticed them. His eyes. They were bright green.

"Wow, you have really nice eyes."

He seemed taken aback by that, blinking slightly. "Do you always change the subject this often?"

"Hey, you up for some "obvious"?" 

"...I see that you do."

"So, are you?" 

"What in God's name _is_ "obvious"?"

"Oh! It's this cool ass game! You just point out something that's obvious about the other person. I'll go first. You have hair."

He was regarding her as though she were insane, but didn't seem to press the matter. 

"Alright...you have teeth."

"You have a freckle on your unibrow."

"..."

"What? It's _true_!" 

He narrowed his eyes. "You have blemishes on your nose." 

"You are tall and awkward."

"You are moronic."

"You have a receding hairline." 

"You are moronic."

"You just stepped in dog shit."

"EXCUSE ME?" he was on his feet in a matter of seconds. Amaya looked at him sympathetically.

"You are a sad, sad unhappy, little man."

"..." 

"And you have my pity."

"Be quiet." 

"Make me." She stood up. "Whatever, I don't have time for this. I've gotta get back home. Do you think that you could maybe take me to the nearest bus station?"

"What is a bus station?"

"You don't know what the hell a bus station is? You're drunk, aren't you?"

"Eh...yes. Most likely."

"Oh, damn it, never mind. I see that I'm just going to have to depend on myself!"

Twitch.

(Crickets chirping)

Twitch, Twitch.

"And _that's_ not a very comforting thought..."

Norrington was looking at her as though she had sprouted carrots for ears. "Are you..._talking_ to yourself?"

"...maybe."

Twitch. 

"What, do you have a problem?"

"..." he decided that it would be best not to answer that.

"You wanna take this _inside_?" 

Twitch.

"We ARE inside."

"..." 

Twitch.

"Oh yeah. You wanna take this _outside_?" 

"No, not really..."

"Oh." 

"Hey..." he noticed a large crowd gathering over besides the bar. "What's going on over there?"

Amaya shrugged her shoulders. "Orgy?"

"..." he raised an eyebrow.

"Hey!" she exclaimed, noticing his sour expression. "What was THAT look for?"

"...do you EVER cease to open your mouth?" he asked, exasperated. 

"Sorry, no," she replied sweetly.

"Damn." 

Curiosity getting the better of him, Norrington made his way over to the other side of the room.

Amaya, being the annoying person that she was, decided to follow him.

"What's going on?" she whispered loudly into his ear, causing it to ring.

He gave her a _look_. "Assuming that I actually _know_ will get you nowhere in life."

"Well sorry that I had assumed you _would_, drunkie. This _is_ your grace land."

"Christ almighty."

"Using the Lord's name in vain, huh? You're going to hell, drunk-ass." 

"Kindly stop calling me that."

"But you _are_. Gee, I haven't laughed that much since I was a little girl, thank you."

"You're damn lucky that you're still one." 

"Why?"

"It's restraining me from slowly maiming you."

She snorted. "Yeah, yeah, promises, promises."

"Why are you even following me?"

"Do you honestly think I have anything better to do?"

"Go home."

"Well, you know, what? Maybe I would if I knew where it actually was!"

"Stop pestering me!"

"If you truly didn't want me to be with you then you wouldn't have brought me here."

"That was only-" he began, but was thrown-off balance by a fast-moving man, trying to get to a lonely desk was set up in the middle of the floor, with a stubby man sitting behind it. Norrington looked ready to rip his throat out, but Amaya grabbed him by the lapels of his dirty overcoat.

"Why do you think you'd be a good crewman aboard the Black Pearl?" the man asked him.

The scabby, gross-looking man that ran into Norrington shot him a pointed look from where he slouched about three feet away.

"Cause me wife took me dog. And now I don't give an ass rat's whether I live or die."

"Welcome aboard, good sir! Sign the rooster!"

"Hey..." she asked. "What's the Black Pearl?"

"How do you know of the Black Pearl?" the man she was holding asked.

"Nothing. That guy over there just mentioned it," she said, pointing to the desk.

Norrington's eyes followed her fingers, and suddenly lit up as he eyed the man. Amaya recognized that look; she had seen it many times before. It was the look that someone usually got when they recognized or remembered something. And without another word, he too, had pulled out of her grasp, and was waltzing up to the desk.

Amaya gaped after him in shock. Holy hell, he looked ready to kill!

"Wait-stop!" she cried, hurrying to his rescue. "He's dru-"

Then she tripped and fell smack dab into a really oddly-placed pole. 

FACE FIRST.

THUD!

Son of a BITCH!

'_Hey, that HURT, dammit! And who the FUCK just grabbed my ASS?'_

"And what's your story?" the man asked, staring up at him. 

"My...story? Why, it's exactly the same story as your story, only one chapter behind."

"Aye?"

"I chased a man across the seas...the pursuit cost me my crew, my commission, and my life," Norrington stated, grasping a bottle of rum sitting on the front of the desk, and taking a swig.

Grey eyes widened in understanding. "Commodore...?" the man asked, looking startled.

"No. Not anymore...were you not listening?" he snapped.

Amaya looked up at them, confused, and rubbed her nose.

_'Wait... _

Commodore...Commodore...Commodore...

Hey, wait just a damn second...he never mentioned that he was a COMMODORE! …wait, what's a Commodore?'

"I nearly had all of you off Tripoli..." he growled. The man looked uncomfortable. "If not for the hurricane." 

"Y-You...didn't sail right through it?" The man gasped.

"I see you're in search of a crew. Well, then. Do I meet your requirements?"

"Yer not serious-"

"Now wait just a second!" Amaya bounded up behind Norrington, putting her hands on his shoulders. "You know him?"

The man froze. Norrington sighed, exasperated.

"This is Mr. Gibbs. Annoying Wench, Mr. Gibbs. Are you all happily introduced, now?" he snapped.

"No!" Amaya snapped back, trying to steer him away. "You're being-" 

"Stay out of this! It is _my _business!" he said, tensing up a bit.

"Yeah, well, it wouldn't even BE your business had I not asked you what the Pearl-thing was!"

"Well, you-"

"You saved my ass, now I'm saving yours!"

"My arse doesn't need saving. Am I on your crew, or not?"

"I'm sorry, sir, he's drunk..." she cut Norrington off, trying to come up with an explaination for Gibbs, who just sat there, openly gaping up at them.

"I am NOT-"

"He probably doesn't even know what he's _talking _about anymore..."

"Stop lying-"

"He downed four straight pints of rum-"

"It was THREE-"

"Nice to meet you, by the way, though the name's not Annoying Wench, it's-"

"How..." 

"Uh...are you--give me your HAND--okay, sir?" she asked, grabbing Norrington's hand in her own.

He angrily tried to yank it back. "Let GO of me!"

"Shut up!"

"Are you two having relations?" Gibbs questioned suddenly.

Norrington's eyes bugged out of his head. "Having relations?!" he all but gasped.

Amaya twitched. "Relations?"

Gibbs stared at her. She stared back.

"Are you two...together?" he tried again.

Norrington stuttered.

"Are we _together_?" Amaya asked in disbelief. "What are you, in second grade?"

"We-We-" Norrington continued to stutter, looking quite put out.

"Huh?" Amaya suddenly smirked. Looking put out, are we? What a lovely way to piss him off even more.

"Why yes, we are," she cooed, grasping his arm. "Actually, we're on our honeymoon."

"We most certainly are not!" Norrington roared at that, face turning a brilliant shade of pink underneath all the dirt and grime.

Amaya grinned. "Pookie here is just a little shy, you see."

Gibbs blinked.

"He's really quite..."

"Unhand me this instant!" James snarled, pushing her away.

"Hey-"

"Never pegged James as-"

Amaya took a sidelong glance at the man standing besides her. So James was it?

A look of recognition flashed in his green eyes again as he suddenly yanked a pistol out of a holster on his waist, and extended it in the direction of a man sitting in the opposite corner of the tavern.

Well, the man that HAD been sitting in the corner.

The man who was now very _unsuspiciously_ running away, and hiding behind what appeared to be a...plant leaf. 

'_Is he being __**serious **__right now?'_

"I wouldn't do that if I were you, Sparrow," James said in a cool voice. "I could just kill you."

The man froze in his tracks as Norrington brandished the gun in his face. Brown, almost black, khol-lined eyes widened. Amaya couldn't help but look at the man in appreciation. He was certainly good-looking. He wore a white puffy shirt, tight as sin black tights and long, black, beaded dreadlocks were underneath a red bandana. His skin was tan and his golden teeth gleamed in the dim lighting.

He looked...like a pirate.

Costume party, perhaps?

Or maybe he was mentally retarded...like that pirate guy from Dodgeball.

Hahahaha. Steve the Pirate!

_'This dream just keeps getting weirder and weirder...'_

"Oi...you're hired?" the 'pirate/bocee' drawled off in a quiet voice. "How ya been, Commodore?"

Amaya blinked. Then blinked again from her spot behind James.__

"Am I good enough to serve on Jack Sparrow's ship, or not?!"

"Well..."

"Because I figure that you owe it to me, you cursed ass son of a bitch!" 

The man winced. "CAPTAIN! CAPTAIN Jack Sparrow."

James cocked the pistol.

"Are you CRAZY?!" Amaya shrieked. "Don't!"

At that moment, three men grabbed for the gun. "Easy sailor...you're threatening the CAPTAIN!" one of them protested.

Seconds later, a gunshot sounded.

"You _stupid _man!" Amaya shrieked, grabbing him around the waist; yanking him back.

"You _stupid_, woman!" he responded, shaking her off like a hyena.

"You _ugly_ man!"

"You _stupid, ugly_ woman!" 

"You _ugly, stupid_ man!"

An uprising occurred, startling everyone inside the tavern to their feet. Men were being tossed by their arms and legs. Women were shrieking and trying to avoid being tackled; swords drawn; guns drawn; people screaming and hollering.

"This is without a doubt, YOUR fault!" Norrington shrieked like a girl, arms waving wildly next to his head. "You HAD to follow me, did you not?"

"Wow. Now THAT'S freaking scary. Go back and use THAT on one of the men that's trying to KILL you!" she screamed back, looking around for something to use to fight off the mob because apparently, not even the women, were exempt from the violence. She settled for grabbing a loose plank of wood that had fallen onto the floor, and began swinging it around her body like a wild-woman. "Back! Get back!"

Norrington drew his sword, looking ferocious, and took another swig of the rum in his hand. "I challenge you all!" he screamed. "Get in a nice straight line and I'll deal with you one at a time!"

Bad move. The next thing he knew, he was surrounded.

Surrounded AND next to Amaya. He was going to kill himself. Well, if the angry-looking tavern people didn't do it first.

"I think I knocked out more people than you!" she bragged, poking him in the shoulder.

"I do not care," he brushed it aside. He was more worried about the angry mob that looked ready to pound their asses into the dirt.

"I bet you're jealous." 

"I am not."

"You SO are," she pressed him.

"If you do not want to die then I suggest you shut your mouth."

"Jealous, jealous, jealous!" 

"What did I just tell yo-"

SMASH!

He suddenly crumpled to the floor in a heap. Amaya whipped around to see a handsome young man smiling cheekily at her.

"Sorry 'bout that. Just wanted the pleasure of doing that myself," he said.

"Uhm, it's okay. He pretty much deserved it, anyways."

Then they both watched as Norrington's ass was tossed out the door and into the mud.

KER-SPLOSH!

"Ewww."

After the violent crowd had died down, Amaya slowly walked over to where the brunette man lay, crossing her arms over her chest. She tapped her foot in impatience, sighing sadly at the horrendous sight in front of her. Norrington was crawling around with the pigs and sheep on his hands and knees, looking even more like a drunk-ass than he did before.

"You're an idiot, you know that?" 

"Ugh..."

"If those guys could see you now, I doubt they'd be scared of you..."

"Uck..." 

"We should sign you up for alcoholics anonymous..." 

"James Norrington."

A figure appeared behind Amaya in the doorway; she stepped to the side when she noticed that it was the good-looking young man from before.

"What has the world done to you?"

Ten Minutes Later:

Okay, so it turned out that the 'man' wasn't really a 'man' at all. It was a girl. A young woman to be precise. And her name was Elizabeth Swann.

She was out looking for her would-be-husband on a ship. To top it all off she was wanted for criminal activities.

And ironically, she was also Norrington's ex-fiance.

Small world, eh? Maybe that's why he was all emoed out.

Amaya made a mental note to rub it in his face later.

His head drooped down as he leaned heavily into her shoulders, trying to gain support. She grunted from her position. Being underneath him and all was really starting to take its toll, especially since she was only five foot three and he had to be somewhere between six to seven feet tall. Her face was turning an uncharacteristic shade of red, too. Damn, he was fat!

"Stop eating, fatso!" she whined, trying to stand back upright. "You weigh too much!"

"Kindly stop talking so loud!" he snapped back. "Your voice could deafen a donkey!"

"Ass."

His eyes narrowed. "Resorted to name-calling already, wench?"

"You better believe it, he-bitch."

"What on earth is that?"

"Just made it up. I have ESPN." 

"What's that?"

"Channel 24."

He stared at her...stared at her for a long, _long_ time. Amaya stared back, her eye twitching slightly.

"Uh...never mind."

_'What the HELL is up with these people? What a crappy dream. They don't even know any television channels!'_

Elizabeth stopped abruptly, hollering out a name. "Jack Sparrow!" 

"CAPTAIN Ja-" dark, beaded dreadlocks whirled around, staring Elizabeth dead in the face.

Amaya looked up. She was on a dock.

Twitch.

With...the pirate bocee from the bar.

Twitch.

_'Shit. And now I'm stuck on a rickety dock with a cross-dresser, drunk, and pirate bocee. Who don't know what ESPN is. I am __without a doubt__ the __**luckiest**__ girl in the world.'_

Ooh baby.

"Elizabeth!" he gasped out, looking scared. "Quick--hide the rum!"

Amaya looked disgusted. "Ew."

Norrington looked hopeful. "Rum?" 

Amaya jabbed him in the side.

"Oww!"

"Shut up, fatass. I, of all people, should be the one complaining!"

"Why you insolent little wench! When did girls stop having respect for their elders?"

"When the year two thousand came around, buddy!"

"Two...thousand? Are you out of your mind?"

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm not in the mood for games, wench. You and I both know that this is seventeen ninety two, so don't be a child and make up foolish things."

Amaya froze. "What year did you say it was?"

"Seventeen ninety two."

All of it made sense now. The clothing, the speaking, the way James was so...

"Ohmigod."

_'This isn't really happening. It's a dream, right? RIGHT?'_

James was about to yell again when he noticed that she was shaking. "Are you alright?"

"No."

_'You're only dreaming. Remember. This is the coma that the car put you in. That's it. It will all go away in time.'_

He rolled his eyes. "What is it now?"

"Don't worry about it. I'm fine."

"I'm not an imbecile."

"Could've fooled me."

His teeth gritted.

_'Just go along with it for now. Who knows? Could be fun while it lasts. Till I wake up, that is.'_

"Stop scowling, it's gonna give you wrinkles."

"..."

"Old man."

"Idiot wench."

"I may be an idiot wench but you're stuck with me for awhile. I don't have anywhere else to go."

He looked ready to kill himself. Amaya grinned. That was what she was here for!

"You do realize that we've been together all day and you haven't once told me your name?"

"Like it matters?"

"Yes. Yes, it does."

"Why?"

"Well, if I'm going to be around you from now on then I can't be calling you wench all the time, now can I?"

"I'm not telling _you_ my name. YOU'RE _weird_." 

"Alright...then I may just go and find those two striking young men again."

"..."

"You have your choice."

"Tch, fine," she sighed, glaring daggers at him. "It's Amaya."

"Amaya?" 

"Amaya BROWN."

"The pleasure is all mine," he said, extending his hand.

"...screw you."

"..." the hand remained in the outstretched poisiton. Amaya continued to stare at it.

"And what part of screw you do you not understand?"

"What are ya doin' here, Lizzy?" the man, CAPTAIN Jack Sparrow asked, breaking them out of their own little conversation, smiling 10-karat at her.

"I know that you've seen Will," Elizabeth replied stiffly. "Where is he?"

Sparrow's face dropped. "Ah...William...well, you see-" he began before his black eyes caught Amaya's brown ones.

'_Oh no! The pirate bocee is LOOKING at me. Be cool.'_

"Hello, hello, and who is this?" he questioned saucily, walking over to the pair, and ignoring Elizabeth's ranting. Amaya couldn't tear her gaze away from the terrifying hips, which were swinging around seductively. James, as he will be called now, looked utterly grossed-out, shut his eyes, and turned his face away. "God, make it stop," he whispered.

Stop Jack did. Right in front of them. James shuddered in response.

"And who might you be then, love?" he winked, voice raspy and compelling, staring directly at the tanned teen.

Amaya drew her head back and sneered. "Your mom."

He raised an eyebrow. "Right." 

"Yeah, you heard me. I did your mom last night." 

Jack stared. Elizabeth stared. James stared.

Hell, EVERYONE bloody stared.

(Frogs croaking)

"Ah, so she's a bonny, but not a very bright one I see."

A fly buzzed by.

"Who are you calling stupid, douche-bag?" the loud scream followed suite. Jack snapped his fingers, not bothering to ask her what a douche-bag was.

"Fiery!" he grinned wistfully before turning to the James. "You two havin' relations?"

"No!" James hissed. Why was everyone asking them that? "I found her in an alley."

"The alley?" At this, Jack's eyebrows rose.

"And Pirate...I suggest that you learn to control yourself if you have any idea what's good for you. This one's a handful."

"That good in the sac, eh?"

"..."

"What's THAT supposed to mean?" Amaya shouted, ticked-off.

"Sparrow, I swear to the almighty heavens if you don't leave her alone-"

Jack grinned. "A bit possessive, are we?"

"..."

"Not that I wouldn't be if I found a whore this nice..."

"WHORE?!"

"I said that I found her in the alley, Sparrow, but that does not make her a whore."

"Beggin' your pardon, Jamie-darling, but whatever does that mean?"

"Shut your damned mouth, Pirate."

"What's wrong, Jamie-love?"

"You, you pirate-bastard!"

"I do have a name, you know!" 

"A name not important enough to be worth remembering." 

Amaya rubbed the back of her foot against her ankle. This was getting ridiculous. Elizabeth glanced back and forth between the two arguing men, biting her thumbnail.

"Pirate!" 

"Pansy!"

"Rubbish!"

Norrington stuck his tongue out.

"Sissy!"

Jack put his hands behind his head and waved them around pathetically.

OMFG. 

"Unorthodox!"

"Christian-boy !" 

"Pedophile!"

"You have fake teeth!" 

"You smell funny!"

Norrington flushed scarlet; he had no idea what to say back and it showed.

Amaya sighed before reaching up and whispering something into his ear. 

"What?"

"Just say it."

"Are you sure-?"

"YES!"

"YOU smell like skeet."

"Freaking OWNED!" Amaya cheered. 

Jack was stunned.

Twitch.

"Wait...what in the bloody hell is skeet?" he questioned, totally confused. 

Amaya jabbed James in the side and smirked.

"Use your imagination."

Twitch.

Amaya smiled at him, reassuringly.

"And that's game, Jamie. That's game."

He stared back, raising and eyebrow.

She grinned childishly.

"But that doesn't mean you can call me names."

And without another word...

KER-SPOLSH!

Ah yes.

Right off the dock.

&&&&&

Corinne: Well? You like? Please review!

&&&&&


	3. Saying Sorry

**Oh Bugger**

"…" - Spoken

_Thoughts_

Summary: A girl from 2007 gets transported back in time to Tortuga, and gets 'saved' by a certain ex commodore.

**This story is dedicated to our favorite skating buddy, Amaia...who broke her wrist on the first week she came over to visit and skate with us from Spain! **

**We miss you so much, girl...and we cannot WAIT for you to come back and skate with us again!!!! **

**Love, Mads and Cokes!**

_'Conscience'_

/Thoughts/

"Regular"

**To all our loyal reviewers...you guys kick total ASS! We wouldn't know what to do without you!!!**

&&&&&

Madasyn: So, yeah...here we are again.

Corinne: Omigod! Doug skeeted on me!

Jack: Gross.

Ennis: Jack, I skeet on you all the time.

Jack: Doug is nasty.

Ennis: Dude, you think that _every _guy besides me is nasty!

Doug: I can't help it!

Ennis: Being nasty?

Madasyn: Ha, ha.

Doug: No, skeeting! Whenever I see her I can't help myself!

Madasyn: Yeah, she's sexxy that way!

Corinne: So, yeah, we don't own Disney or Pirates of the Caribbean.

Madasyn: Yeah...if we did, the whole world would go up in flames.

&&&&&

Chapter Three: Saying Sorry

&&&&&

**James/Amaya's Cabin:**

"I hate the ocean," James complained, resting his chin on his hand. "Do you know how ironic that is? That I was once a commodore, and yet I hate the ocean?"

"Yeah. Sure."

Amaya tucked her arms behind her head and took in her surroundings. They were sitting in a small cabin with a queen-sized bed, that she was currently lying on, and a tiny, ajoining bathroom, which was a tub and basin in a closet-sized crawl space. So much for home, sweet home.

_'Speaking of home, I really should be finding a way to get back. I wonder if I can wake myself up...'_

She glanced around before noticing the candlestick sitting upright on the table. '_That'll work.'_

She poised it over her skull and brought it down hard on her head.

SMACK!

"Ouch! Goddamn it, son of a bitch!" Okay, so she was _defaintly_ not getting out of this anytime soon. Shit.

"Are you quite sure you're not experiencing trauma?" Amaya rolled her eyes in James' direction.

"No one asked you."

"I had the right to say it, at least."

"Hey, James..." He sighed, turning his head away from the window to look at her for a moment. "Yes?"

"Did you love her?" She noticed James stiffen slightly, turning his gaze back to the window.

"I'm not having this conversation with you." She smiled a little. "I see."

_'He did, huh?'_

"Just wanted you to know that you're not alone."

"Hn."

"I think that someone like you...will find love someday."

His shoulders relaxed.

"I mean, you rescued me after all. Not a lot of people would do that."

"..."

"Well, I'm going to go and see what everyone's up to..."

"Am-" He turned to look at her, but before he could fully respond, she was gone. And he was alone. Alone in an empty room.

_'Smooth going, James Norrington', _he told himself. _'You always manage to push __**everyone **__away.'_

His eyes landed on the bed, and he noticed something odd. Hadn't his wig been...?

Twitch.

"AMMAAAAAYYYYYYAAAAA!"

**On deck:**

_"We're devils, we're black sheep, we're really bad eggs...drink up, me hearties, yo ho!"_ Jack Sparrow sang, his loud, booming voice echoing across the water.

Amaya winced a little. '_That would gag a maggot.'_

"Hey there," she called up to him, pulling herself up to where he was standing.

_'I've got to save the innocent souls of the sailors!'_

He blinked for a moment, staring at her incredously.

"Where's the Commodore?"

"Basking in his misery."

"Ah."

"Yeah, he does that a lot from what I've seen. He's a total drunk."

"James Norrington, a drunk? I find that hard to believe."

"Well start believing."

Jack laughed at that.

"How did you two meet if yew don't mind me askin'?"

"Eh...he saved me from some guys. They thought I was a prostitute or something."

"Oh he did, did he? Does seem the chivalrous type, if yew ask me. Well now...I don't believe we've been properly introduced, now have we?"

"I guess not."

"Well then, I's pleased to meet you," he grinned, sticking out his hand. "Me name is Sparrow. **Captain** Jack Sparrow...but bonny lasses like you have every right in the world to call me Jack."

She blushed a bit. "I'm Amaya...Amaya Brown. And this here is Wiggy the Commdorific Wig!"

Jack stared at her hand where the wig was perched like a hand puppet.

"Wiggy?"

"Hello!" she said in a squeaky voice, moving the white head of hair around. "I'm a drunk that likes to play with piggies!"

Jack snickered loudly. Amaya grinned.

Then there was an awkward silence before Jack had a sudden burst of inspiration.

"Well, Miss Brown," he said, extending out a tanned hand for her to take, "I've got meself an idea. Do you want to learn how to steer this fine boat?"

She shrugged.

"Do you think I could?"

"Yes," his gaze pierced hers. "I think you could."

She took his hand with a smile. "Then sure."

&&&&&

**On deck:**

"Okay...now yew just take the rudder and-"

"SPARROW AND AMAYA!" James screamed, aghast, noticing that Jack's hands holding hers as she sadly stood in front of the helm, trying to control the ship, failing pathetically. "What are you DOING?!"

Amaya stood on her tiptoes, Jack's coat falling off her shoulders, and Wiggy perched on her head. She looked ridiculous. Jack looked annoyed. "What am _I_ doin'? Well, mate, I think it's more important who I'm doing it _with_..." he leered.

"Well, _I_ was, uhm, well..." Amaya stammered as James rounded on Jack. "You filthy pirate! I bet you've been telling her all sorts of horrid things!"

"That I have, mate."

"You've probably soiled her innocent, virgin mind!"

"Well, virgin no more, James me lad!"

"WHAT?! What are you saying?"

"What do you think?" Jack replied cheekily, seeming quite excited with the reaction/look that he was getting from Norrington.

"Jack Sparrow, I'll see to it that you're hanged for this!" James roared.

"Oh, really?" he stuck his tongue out at him. "You and what army?"

"Go off and bother Elizabeth!"

"Nah, I'd much rather have fun with Miss Brown here." Uh oh. Up went the middle finger.

"SPARROW!"

"JAMIE!"

"Guys, stoppit!" Amaya screamed, finally having enough. "**Both **of you SHUT UP! What's your _problem_?!"

"YOUR my problem!" James shouted, finally turning his gaze to her. "Ever since you've come into my life you've made things more difficult!"

"But..." Amaya stuttered. "I've only known you for a day!"

"Exactly. You are to remain on MY side since I am the one who rescued you, not Sparrow! And give me back my wig!"

"Actually, I happen to LIKE Wiggy. I'm keeping him! At least HE understands me!" She petted it affectionately. "Isn't that right, Wiggy?"

"Aye, Aye!" Wiggy squeaked.

"W-Wiggy?" James tremored.

Jack whistled slowly, hands on his hips. "Someone's _jealous_..." he taunted, causing James to advert his attention back to the pirate.

"Jealous?! Come down here and say that to my face, Sparrow! She's the only one that I know on this whole, bloody ship!"

"You know Elizabeth."

"She doesn't wish to see me!"

Amaya nodded. "That's true. And he's so fat he'd probably eat everyone else."

"That's correct! Wait, huh?"

"Bring it on, Commodore! I ain't scared of you."

"Then prove it, you pathetic excuse for a pirate!"

"You stupid excuse for a Commodore!"

"Ugly!"

"Creep!"

"Pedophile!"

"Oh, too idiotic to come up with your own comebacks, then?"

"He's more idiotic than me! Right, Amaya?"

"...Amaya?"

Jack twitched. James twitched.

"Hey...where'd she go?"

&&&&&

**Somewhere ELSE on deck:**

"Fucking idiots."

She tossed Jack's coat to the side and hurried down the side of the ship, hand grasping at the railing.

_'You'd think they were ten-years-old or something. Wonder why they hate each other so much...?'_

"Miss Brown."

A woman's voice interuppted her thoughts. It was Elizabeth Swann, sitting on some stairs and flidding with a compass.

_'Oh great.'_

"I was wondering if you'd like to have a little chat?"

Amaya leaned back on the railing. "Shoot."

"How did you meet James?"

There was a brief moment of silence.

"Is it THAT interesting to you?" the brown-haired girl questioned, fingering her meshy top.

"Yes."

"He rescued me. That's about it."

"I don't understand."

"Some guys tried to rape me. End of story."

The woman's blue eyes clouded over. "I see."

"I think he used to be in love with you. He got pretty ticked-off when I asked him before about it."

Elizabeth bit her lip. "...really?"

"Maybe he still is. He seems to hate Jack a bunch, though. They started fighting last I saw them."

"They're both good men. Well, at least they TRY to be. They've had hard lives is all."

"Yeah, I kind of figured that."

&&&&&

**On deck:**

"How do you suppose we settle this?"

"Well, it's easy, mate. We fight to the death."

"That can be arranged."

"Ready?"

"As ready as I'll ever be!"

"Then...DRAW!!!"

(Five Minutes Later)

"You're looking pale, Sparrow."

"Shut up, will you? You're ruining my concentration."

"Why, I didn't think a pirate like you had a brain..."

"I said SHUT UP!"

"You can't win."

"Eh."

"You're powerless, pirate...there's nothing left for you now."

"I can still do this! Believe it, mate!" (LOL: Naruto reference)

"Are you going to make your move or not?"

"Oi, Commodore...do you have any threes?"

James smirked. "Go fish."

"Noooooooooooooo!"

&&&&&

**With Elizabeth and Amaya:**

"...Miss Brown?"

"Amaya."

"Amaya...do you want to wash up and get changed? I have some spare clothes you can use."

Amaya was taken aback. "Seriously? Wow, thanks. I think I lost my purse in the bar, and-"

"Amaya."

The next thing she knew, she was being dragged away by a rather pushy James Norrington.

Elizabeth just stared at their retreating backs for a moment, mouth wide open.

"..."

"Hey! Leggo! What the hell are you DOING?!" Amaya shrieked, trying to claw away from his iron grip.

He rounded on her as soon as they were alone and out of the earshot of others, pressing her back into a nearby wall, breath ghosting over her face.

Amaya gasped, the closeness of his face causing her to blush furiously.

"J-James...?" she squeaked.

His eyes locked with hers.

"I just spent the last fifteen minutes of _my _life playing 'Go Fish' with Sparrow to protect _your _honor. Please don't let it be in vain."

Amaya suddenly realized what he was doing.

"Are you trying to apologize?"

"No."

And with that, he turned on his heel and stomped off.

&&&&&

**James' and Amaya's Cabin:**

It was nearly 11:30 at night when the two decided that fighting for the right to sleep in the bed was an absolute necessity.

And they certainly were not going to sleep together!

Of course, when it came down to it, it finally occured to James that Sparrow had put them in a room with only one bed...

...on purpose.

Probably really thought they were REALLY together or something.

Fucking Sparrow.

"I get the bed! I'm a GIRL!" Amaya screamed, grabbing the sheets in both hands, and yanking them towards her. James gaped at her with a look of absolute shock. Like hell if he was going to sleep on the floor like some peasant. Well, technically he WAS one now, but still!

"It doesn't matter if you are a woman or not! I'm getting the bed!" he roared, yanking the sheets back.

The on-going game of tug-of-war continued on for a few minutes.

"Give me the fucking sheets!"

"Let them go!"

"Hand them over you stupid-"

"Unhand those-"

"Why you-"

"I say-"

"You fuckin-"

A loud, gasping moan suddenly filled the room.

James and Amaya froze.

"Did you hear something?" James questioned slowly, looking around.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Amaya lied. "I didn't hear-"

The moan came again.

"Oh, harder-harder! Jack, oh please, Jack-"

Oh, dear.

"Jack, oh GAWD-"

James' face turned beat red.

The alluring moaning noises coming from the Captain's cabin right next door nearly caused their eyes to pop out of their sockets.

"What the fuck?" Amaya snapped.

"Close the door!" James shouted, suddenly realizing that they had left the door ajar a tiny bit, allowing the noises to escape from the hallway and into their room. Amaya blindly leapt to the door and fumbled with the knob.

"Ack! The lock isn't working!" After a moment, she managed to slide the lock into place. James crashed on the bed, still blushing like mad. Amaya sighed and rolled her eyes. Slowly she came over, and sat down on the bed, too. She sighed again, her gaze drifting to the man sitting on the bed beside her. What the…? A sly grin formed on her lips.

"You're _blushing_?" she asked incrediously.

"No." He was indeed, turning a quite remarkable shade of crimson.

"What's wrong?" she snickered. "Never heard people having sex before?"

"Don't talk about it like that. It's vulgar," he snapped back. Amaya started laughing like crazy. "Ickle baby Jamie!" she chimed. His shoulders tensed up. They seemed to do that a lot. "Be quiet."

"Why?" she asked.

"..."

"Never done that sort of thing before, have yah?" she teased.

"How DARE you assume-"

"Ickle Jamie had never seen bewbies!"

"..."

"Ickle Jamie probably doesn't know what bewbies look like, Wiggy!" she continued, thoroughly enjoying this.

"I said-"

"Oh no!" she made the wig squeak. "The unhumanity!"

"Alas, Wiggy, Jamie doesn't sleep with women because he's a big baby-"

"Oh noes!"

"If you don't be quiet, I'll _show _you just how well I can please a woman!" He yelled out quickly. The next thing that Amaya knew, she was pinned underneath him, on the bed. His eyes were intense, and powerful, and he was breathing ragged. She gaped up at him in surprise, her legs trapped between his and his hands pinning her wrists above her head.

"J-James...?"

And suddenly he made a face of that which suggested he wish he could grab his tongue and force it down his throat. He pulled away quickly, mumbling a few words of apology, and got off the bed in a flash. "I'll sleep on the floor," he said softly.

"James?"

"I'm sorry." The candles blew out, and the room was enveloped in darkness. Amaya touched her face, a blush still on her cheeks.

"J-Jack! Oh yes, Jack! YESSSSS!"

Crap.

&&&&&

Madasyn: Oh my goodness! Another chapter done! We did this one during our free-time at the rink today! So please tell me that you like it!!!

...Corinne wants feedback, too!

Corinne: Fuck yeah, I do!

Madasyn: Stop swearing, it's giving me a headache.

Corinne: Yada, yada, yada...quit complaining.

Ennis: Damn straight, Jack!

Jack: Honey...we're far from it.

Ennis: Yeah, that's right.

Jack: Ooh, baby!

Corinne: Ewwww.

Madasyn: Oh well. Have fun!

&&&&&

TBC:

&&&&&


	4. Don't Choke, You'll Die!

**Oh Bugger**

"…" - Spoken

_Thoughts_

Summary: A girl from 2007 gets transported back in time to Tortuga, and gets 'saved' by a certain ex commodore.

**This story is dedicated to our favorite skating buddy, Amaia...who broke her wrist on the first week she came over to visit and skate with us from Spain! **

**We miss you so much, girl...and we cannot WAIT for you to come back and skate with us again!!!! **

**Love, Mads and Cokes!**

_'Conscience'_

/Thoughts/

"Regular"

&&&&&

Madasyn: Hey! We're back!

Corinne: How long has it been?

Madasyn: Too long! And why was that?

Corinne: Uhm... (Sweats)

Madasyn: 'Cause YOU set me up with a guy!

Corinne: Yeah, so? Don't act like you didn't like it. I saw you two in the coat closet-

Madasyn: Shut up, Corinne!

Steve: Yeah, Corinne, shut up!

Doug: Ooh, someone's not being scrumptious today...

Steve: Can it, Douglas!

Jack: _We_ make-out in the mountains!

Ennis: And in tents.

Jack: And in the-

Corinne & Madasyn: SHUT UP!

Steve: They're scary.

Doug: You just noticed that?

Steve: Anyways, moving on...they don't own Pirates or Disney...

Doug: Thank god!

Corinne & Madasyn: HEY, SHUT UP!!!

&&&&&

Chapter Four: Don't Choke, You'll Die!

&&&&&

**Elizabeth's Cabin:**

"Are you done yet?"

Amaya's voice came shakily from behind the bathroom door.

"Elizabeth...I feel stupid."

"I'm sure that you look fine."

"Promise you won't laugh?"

"I promise."

"Okay, then..." the door opened. "This dress makes me look like I'm six-months pregnant."

"It does not. Now come here and let me brush your hair."

"What's wrong with my hair?"

"Don't you want to look nice for breakfast?"

_'Breakfast?'_

The lock on the door clicked into place.

"Oh, did I forget to tell you? I've arranged for you to have breakfast with me, Jack, and James."

Tick, tock, tick.

"Noooooooooooooo!"

&&&&&

It had been two days since James had pinned Amaya in their cabin. Two days of horrible uncomfortableness between the two of them. And unfortunately both Elizabeth and Jack noticed it, which was why they had arranged this...breakfast thing. At least Amaya and James kept it to themselves.

James scowled at Jack from his place at the table. Jack glared back at him.

No words were spoken, yet the intimidating looks from each party evidently showed that in their minds they were both plotting the other's utterly gruesome demise. James snarled quietly to himself. Jack looked at him, totally weirded out. Then he turned his undivided attention towards the door, seeming anxious as he awaited for the ladies to arrive.

"Whatcha thinkin' about, Jamie?"

"Be quiet, Sparrow."

The man continued to press him, grinning maliciously. "Thinkin' about your little sweetheart I'll bet."

There went the eye twitch. "I SAID be quiet, Sparrow."

"You wanna hold her...kiss her...please her...show her a little-" Almighty God…he even had hand and arm movements.

"SPARROW! KINDLY RESTRAIN YOURSELF BEFORE I STAB YOU!" he finally screamed holding up his fork in a very threatening manner. Jack blinked. Then blinked again.

"You're fucked up, mate."

"Say that again, you-"

"Er…" The light from the outside was suddenly blocked. "Er..." Amaya pressed, brushing a few stray curls from her face, "Did we come at a bad time?" Elizabeth didn't really say much of anything since her eyes were now glued on the commodore, who was stilling holding the fork. James cursed silently, dropping it quickly, and turning a slight shade of pink.

Jack shook his head. "Nah. He's just a little-"

"Be quiet, Sparrow," James snapped again, the saying now his ultimate favorite. He risked taking another quick peek at Amaya, who smiled brilliantly at him before sitting down in the seat next to him.

"Hey there, James!" she squealed, looking excited. "Elizabeth said that I look good in this dress! Do you like it?" She was obviously just trying to make conversation, but that didn't bode well for James at the moment, who nodded silently before fidgeting nervously.

_'Oh no...'_

She was wearing a stunning red dress that somehow managed to bring out the color of her eyes just right, and perfectly highlighted her tanned skin. Elizabeth had taken it upon herself to curl up her brown hair so that it fell over her forehead and shoulders in wavy, little circles. And last but not least she had donned some of Jack's famous khol, rimming the outside of her eyes slightly.

"Uhm, alright," she murmured, noticing that James was acting a little weird, and also shaking slightly.

"_Oh well," _she thought stupidly, "_Must be the heat!"_

"…so what about you?" she questioned brightly, turning all of her attention over to Jack, who's handsome face had taken on a whole new meaning of the word predatory.

"You look absolutely amazing," he declared, and a few seconds later he found himself reaching for her hand, before kissing it gently.

"Aww...thank you," she giggled back. James felt the eye twitch regaining force. _"I'm going to kill him."_

"No, honestly, you do," Jack continued, having yet to let go of her hand.

"Jack!" Amaya scolded. "You're making me blush!"

His teeth clenched quite painfully. _"He just received the death-warrant."_

"This looks quite good, Jack," Elizabeth interrupted, gesturing to the food laid on the table. Jack nodded. "Eat up, everyone, eat up! I do hope yewr hungry."

James took a good look at the spread before settling on an apple, chewing on it slowly. They all ate in a comfortable silence until…

"Damn it all! Do you realize that this dress is WAY too hot to wear for more than an hour? It's, like, unbearable! How the hell do you manage to _stand_ it, Liz?"

Amaya had finally snapped, glaring over at the other woman with a 'it's all your fault' look.

Elizabeth just shrugged apologetically. "But you look good!"

"She's right," James mumbled, turning as red as the apple.

Amaya blinked obliviously. "Sorry, what did you say?"

James glared, defeated, at his dinner plate. He was sure that he heard Jack snicker.

_"That's it, you damn pirate! I hope you fancy knives..."_

"Well…it's still hot!"

"What do you expect _me _to do about it?" the other woman asked, before daintily cutting up her chicken.

"Nothing. I'm just complaining is all. But don't worry! I've got an idea."

James glanced over at her casually before his eyes bugged out of his head. In fact, _everyone's_ eyes bugged out of their heads.

For Amaya, you see, had just taken it upon herself to remove her top layer of clothing (namely the dress part) leaving only the tight, white corset top and flowy underskirt she had been wearing underneath it exposed. Apparently she hadn't realized that that sort of thing was just..._not done_...during the time period she had been sent to. She was basically sitting in just her panties and a bra. And apparently, this was just too much for poor James who hadn't been laid in months. Down went the apple.

Down the _wrong_ pipe.

"Hey!" Amaya cried out. "Are you okay?"

"James?!" Elizabeth screeched, noticing the sudden change in atmosphere, and the fact that the man's face was turning blue.

"..."

"He's choking! Ohmigod! Somebody help him!"

Jack burst out laughing, nearly busting a gut before he fell over and out of his chair, and earning a death glare from Elizabeth.

"Hang on!" Amaya hollered, running up behind him, "Don't worry! I've seen Mrs. Doubtfire!"

"_Oh, that's just fantastic!" _James groaned to himself, reflexes trying the get the obstruction out of his airway. _'What the hell is 'Mrs. Doubtfire'?'_

PUSH. CHOKE.

"C'mon, don't choke, you'll die!" Amaya wailed. James couldn't help but think that she was the stupidest girl on the planet at the moment. "Cough that little bastard up, dammit!" she continued, hands pressing against his chest frantically. "Don't give up on me now!"

James shouted something intelligible back, that sounded a lot like _"You're a complete-" _as the piece of fruit siddenly came flying from his mouth...sailing over and in Jack's general direction. He gasped an wheezed, happy to finally allow air back into his lungs. Amaya patted his back soothingly.

But unfortunately, for our Jackie dearest, his mouth had been open at the present time from laughter...

...and in it went. The chewed up apple of course.

CHOKE. CHOKE.

"EWWWWWWWWWW!" both women shrieked.

"Ahhh!" Elizabeth screamed, now pointing at Jack. "He's choking! Amaya, do something!"

"Okay! Pirate down! Help is on the way!" At this point, Amaya probably lost all of her rational thought as she went running over to him, leapt into the air, and went crashing down as hard as she could onto his chest. Which of course, sadly, knocked the food out in a matter of three seconds. What she _hadn't _counted on was that her own mouth was open, either from the panting, adrenaline, or fear...

_"Holy hell! Three for three!" _James and Elizabeth both gaped in shock as Amaya's face turned green.

"_No! Don't TELL me that she SWALLOWED it!" _James thought in horror.

"HELL NO! I SWALLOWED IT!" Jack's eyes widened in terror. _"Not good!"_

"AHHHHH!" she shrieked before doing the unthinkable. Puking all over the captain. Apple and all.

&&&&&

**On deck:**

"Kitchen duty?" Amaya whined, making a face as Jack walked off to talk to the rest of the crew. "Of ALL things he assigns me kitchen duty!"

James rolled his eyes and scrunched up his nose, noting the slimy looking rag in his hands. "It's better then deck scrubbing."

"..."

"Besides. You probably were rewarded it for the lovely gift you gave Sparrow today in his cabin..."

"THAT WAS AN ACCIDENT!"

"Of course it was."

"Shut up! I didn't ask you!" Amaya said, crossing her arms tightly. She was wearing the clothes she had shown up in again, except with another pair of boots Jack had given her. No one really questioned them since she was with a group of pirates and they all looked like freaks. But she was _still _carrying around that infernal wig. By all gods be damned James was going to throw that thing in the ocean! The way she made it 'talk' was the worst.

"Oi! Commodore's tart! Yer comin' wit' me!" a loud, booming voice rang through the air, startling them out of their stupor. They both turned around to see a powerful looking black woman walking towards them.

"She is NOT my 'tart' as you so eloquently put it, madame," James snapped. The woman just clicked her tongue at him.

"Yer girl will be safe, 'sir'," she retorted, grabbing Amaya's wrist. "We's just be makin' food fer the crew."

"As I said before, she is NOT my GIRL, so go ahead and kill her if you like," James replied nonchalantly. "Perhaps then I'll get to sleep in the bed."

The woman raised an eyebrow.

"She snores, you know," he continued on, oblivious to Amaya's death-glare. "And drools."

Amaya made a move to punch him, but the woman dragged her off before she could. "I'm gunna take you down!!!" Amaya screamed back at James, shaking a fist. He just chuckled, turning to inspect the deck he was supposedly going to 'clean'.

Glancing casually to the floorboards, he noticed with great amusement that Amaya had dropped the wig and forgotten to pick it up in haste. An evil smirk appeared on his face.

"So long, Wiggy. It's been a pleasure," he mocked, picking up the ragged thing. And then hurled it as hard as he could off the side of the boat.

&&&&&

Madasyn: Thanks! Please review!

Corinne: We love you!

Jack & Ennis: We love boys!

Doug & Steve: Somebody shut them up!

&&&&&


	5. Enter The Kraken!

**Oh Bugger**

"…" - Spoken

_Thoughts_

Summary: A girl from 2007 gets transported back in time to Tortuga, and gets 'saved' by a certain ex commodore.

**To all our loyal reviewers...you guys kick total ASS! We wouldn't know what to do without you!**

/Thoughts/

_Conscience_

"Regular"

&&&&&

Madasyn: Hello!

Corinne: Ugh...

Madasyn: Wut's wrong?

Corinne: I start school tomorrow.

Madasyn: ...

Corinne: What?

Madasyn: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I START WEDNESDAY!

Corinne: What? What's _that_ supposed to mean?

Madasyn: THAT MEANS THAT I GET ONE MORE DAY OF FREEDOM THAN YOU!

SILENCE.

Corinne: ...So? I get to see your boyfriend everyday and you don't!

SILENCE.

Madasyn: ...TAKE THAT BACK, YOU BITCH! ...oh...why does he hafta go to _her_ school?

Doug: Uh oh. Bitch fight!

Steve: Remember...they don't own Pirates or Disney!

Doug: But they sure own our asses!

Ennis: Speaking of asses...

Doug & Steve: DON'T YOU EVEN START!

&&&&&

Chapter Five: Enter The Kraken!

&&&&&

**The Galley:**

"So what be it like, fornicating wit' the Commodore?" Amaya choked, nearly dropping the dish she was drying on the floor.

"Excuse me?!"

Anamaria raised an eyebrow in her direction. "That good, eh?"

"What?! NO!"

"Oh, pweeze," the African woman smirked. "Talk's cheap. We've all got our urges, and I be seein' the way he be lookin' at ye."

The younger woman's face turned red. "I don't care if he's the King of England," she snapped. "I hate him and he's a jerk. I hope something horrid eats him."

"Mmmhmm."

"..."

"Yew'd be a cute couple, yew know."

"Shut up," Amaya snapped, though her face defaintly told differently. "I hate him."

Anamaria just smirked again, knowingly. "Ye be a drinker?"

"Huh?"

The woman put down the glass she'd been washing and gestured to a tall cupboard. "Have some whiskey wit' me."

A big grin suddenly appeared on Amaya's face. "Yeah! Okay!"

Anamaria grinned back wickedly. _"Hopefully this'll be makin' things a bit more intersitin' round 'ere!"_

&&&&&

In the bathroom, which happened to only consist of a large ten inch jug and a wash basin that was probably 100 years old, in the middle of a dusty, crab infested old room, James Norrington was discovering the concept of the word 'insane'.

It also didn't help that it was about the mere size of a broom closet.

And it smelled.

Quite BAD.

He couldn't quite remember ever being this angry. He had been to war for his country. He had watched his fiancé get taken away from him by a blacksmith. He had hung, shot, and stabbed many Pirates in his day. He had even listened to the Governor's old windbag speeches without brutally murdering the man.

Yes, he had gone through all that, but he had never, in his entire life, felt the kind of psychotic, murdering intent as he did when Jack Sparrow was openly flirting with Amaya in his presence.

And the way that James wanted to kill said Pirate was too horrible to even be worth explaining.

So, instead of losing his temper in front of everyone, and god only knows how long he could have contained himself, he had excused himself to the bathroom in order to cool down.

So far...he had busted the mirror and kicked at the wall so hard that he was sure that there was going to be a gaping hole there in the morning. It wasn't as though he could really see much of anything, considering everything was pitch black.

He didn't even know _why_ he felt so angry. It wasn't like he was _jealous_ or anything like that...after all...she was only seventeen years old...a _minor..._and even Pirates couldn't get into romantic affairs with _minors_! He had kissed her first, anyways! And wait...where did 'romantic affairs' come from?

Sure, she was kind of pretty and had a spunky attitude, but...

_"You look absolutely amazing."_

_"Aww...thank you." _

_"No, honestly, you do." _

_"Jack! You're making me blush!"_

"I'm going to KILL that BASTARD!" he snarled, punching the wall as hard as he could. "I knew her first!"

However, as soon as he had, he recoiled in complete horror. It wasn't possible...he couldn't...no.

"...oh my God..."

/No! It's not what it looks like. I'm only worried about her well being…yes, that's right…her well being. /

_'Yeah...keep lying to yourself.'_

/What was that/ he glanced around in confusion, before his green eyes narrowed in anger.

"Who's there?" he shouted, a little ticked off that someone would actually try and interrupt him while he was in the _bathroom_. What if he had actually been going, for chrissakes?!

_'You want to tap that ass!'_

"How the hell did you get in..." he stopped in mid sentence when he realized who he was talking to. "…here?"

/Oh bugger. /

_'Face it man, you're horny!'_

/I am not. /

_'James Norrington is horny!'_

/Fuck you. /

_'So horny, horny, horny...'_

/Piss off. /

_'No can do, Romeo...'_

/Great...now I've been reduced to talking to myself. /

_'This, good sir, is just __**way**__ too good to pass up...this is exactly how you felt about the Swann broad...'_

/I have no feelings for anyone. /

_'Ah...so he's in denial, is he?'_

/What the hell? I'm not in denial over anything/

_'Hmm. Maybe it's because you've been hard ever since you got here.'_

/E-Excuse me/

_'Hate to point it out, old chap, but your blood's all gone south side.'_

He felt his face go red as he glanced down. /Oh, shut up. /

_'You're so horny! Horny, horny, horny! I can't believe that you're actually horny!'_

/Quit that. /

_'Not my fault that everyone thought you were a bloody asexual, mate.'_

"LEAVE ME ALONE!"

James growled, shoved his head into his hands, and made his way back to the deck. He still had 'duties' to take care of. Aye carumba.

&&&&&

**James' and Amaya's Cabin:**

He knew as soon as he entered the room that something was wrong. "Hey," Amaya chirped at him from where she was sitting on the bed. He raised an eyebrow at her, but other than that did nothing. "Yes. Hello. Go to sleep."

"I don't wanna."

"And why, for heaven's sake, do you not want to--OOMPH!" Amaya tackled him to the ground before he had a chance to protest, and stuck her face his until their noses were nearly touching. James tried to push her off of him, but her weight kept him pinned to the cabin floor.

"I think you like me," she teased. "Because everyone says you do!"

James blinked, wide-eyed, finding himself very unsure how to argue with that. He cursed under his breath at the fact that he could feel his cheeks heating and forced his eyes to narrow, glaring at her. "I...do not."

Amaya squinted at him, as though trying to read his face. Then she grinned again, took the man by the chin, and murmured. "Really?"

"Yes, you incompetant child! Now please get off of me!"

"Prove it."

"Prove WHAT?" his eye was twitching slightly.

"That you don't like me." And she covered James's lips in a hot kiss, leaving her eyes open a moment to catch the other's gaze and emphasize her intentions, before letting them slip shut and pressing into James, a hand finding its way onto the ex commodore's upper thigh.

"Stop it this instant!" James gasped suddenly, breaking away. "You reek of alcohol!"

She nuzzled his neck. "Yeah. So?"

The ship suddenly lurched, and something snapped. Amaya blinked, freezing completely and clutched at the wall with her right hand.

"Whazzat?"

KER-BOOOOM! Then Jack was bolting past their door like a bat out of hell screaming, "KRAKEN!" at the top of his lungs.

James sighed. "Oh good lord...are we under attack? Honestly now..."

Amaya titled her head to the side. "Jamie?" He sighed again, placing his hand on his forehead. "Stay here. I'll be back in a minute."

"Kay!" she let go of his hand. "We can have sex when you come back."

Blood shot out of his nose.

_"When I find out whoever got her this intoxicated they are DEAD."_

&&&&&

Somewhere in the galley, Anamaria sneezed.

&&&&&

**With Jack:**

"Gibbs! Gibbs! It's Davey Jones! Go take my place for me, will ya?"

"ARE YOU OUT OF YER MIND? _HELL NO_!"

"Aww, c'mon Gibbs, I'll make it worth yer while!"

"GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME, YOU CURSED FREAK!"

"Goddammit."

&&&&&

Two Hours Later:

&&&&&

**With Amaya:**

"I think that she's waking up, Captain!" a totally unfamiliar voice screeched directly in her face, disturbing her precious napping time. She groaned aloud, ready to brutally ass-punch whoever it was, because not only did it sound REALLY annoying, she also had a bitching headache from whatever Anamaria had made her drink.

That's when her eyes popped open and she found herself staring at the ugliest thing that she had EVER seen in her entire life.

"AHHHHHHHHH!"

"Ow," it stated, rubbing it's ear. "Don't scream."

"Get out of my way, get out of my way!" another voice screeched, even louder than the first one. Geez...didn't people know when to stop disturbing women during their beauty sleep?

"AHHHHHHHHH!"

So...do you remember before when Amaya said that she found herself staring at the ugliest thing that she had EVER seen in her entire life? Well...ha, ha...she was wrong. This thing was even _uglier_.

"Oh, sweet Calypso!" it screeched, wrapping its arms around her and squeezing the living daylights out of her. She was sure that her face was turning a brilliant shade of blue. "I'm so glad that I've finally found you again!"

Amaya froze. _Calypso?_

"Alas, the power of love has brought you back to me!"

"EXCUSE ME?"

"And now our love will reign supreme, and we will rule the seas together FOREVER!"

"Congraulations, Captain!" screeched the less ugly creature.

Amaya gulped, head still throbbing. If THIS was what alcohol did then she never wanted anymore of it. Speaking of alcohol, where was Anamaria? And Elizabeth? And James?

Her eyes widened at the realization. This was not HER ship.

Oh _crap_.

&&&&&

Corinne: Well, that's the new chapter before school starts!

Madasyn: We hope you enjoyed it!

Jack: You know what WE enjoy...?

Doug & Steve: STOP HIM!


	6. James' Secret

**Oh Bugger**

"…" - Spoken

_Thoughts_

Summary: A girl from 2007 gets transported back in time to Tortuga, and gets 'saved' by a certain ex commodore.

**To all our loyal reviewers...you guys kick total ASS! We wouldn't know what to do without you!**

/Thoughts/

_Conscience_

"Regular"

&&&&&

Steve: Hey everyone!

Doug: What's up?

Steve: The girl's aren't here right now!

Doug: So _we're_ going to try a chapter!

Ennis: You can try my chapter.

Doug & Steve: WTF?

Jack: And I thought that _I_ was the slut! Ennis!

Ennis: At least I'm not willing to go all the way to _Mexico_, Jack!

Jack Sparrow: Someone say my name?

Jack: NO! He meant Jack FUCKING Twist!

Doug: Wait...fucking? Oh, the irony!

Ennis & Jack: (Glare)

Steve: So yeah, moving on, we don't own Jack Sparrow.

Doug: Yeah, Norrington does and we all know it!

Norrington & Jack: WTF?

&&&&&

Chapter Six: James' Secret

&&&&&

On Deck:

"AMAYA? AMAYA! AMAYA?" James hollered, stalking through the almost deserted corridor. A few shipmates and members of Jack's crew gave him dirty, or confused looks. It was rare...him being out and about down in the galley's, at least. But, he had decided to brave it. He hadn't found the girl anywhere else on the ship.

_'Maybe she's trying to play hard to get.'_

/Shut up. /

_'Don't blame her much, though. Could it possibly be because you pushed her away?'_

/I believe that I told you to shut up. /

_'Bloody hell, mate...who do you think I AM? I'm __**you**__! And do YOU ever shut up?'_

/Good point. /

_'Naturally.'_

/But where the HELL is she/

_'Like I said before...avoiding you, probably.'_

/Fuck you. /

_'Don't think that's possible, mate. However, if you asked the little lass-'_

/SHUT UP. Oh, look...I'll just ask this moron.../

"Sparrow," he greeted curtly. "Have you seen Amaya anywhere?"

The Captain looked puzzled. "Amaya?"

James scoffed. "The girl whom I rescued and brought on board with me?"

Jack nodded. "Oh, right, right, right…your girlfriend."

"She is not my--don't play games with me, Sparrow. Where is she?"

Jack blinked. "You don't know?"

"No," James replied back, stoically. "I don't."

"Oh, well, because...I thought she was with you."

The commodore's eyes narrowed. "Well she apparently isn't."

"It seems that's she...erm-"

"She's _what?_"

"Well...that she's missing, apparently?" Jack said sheepishly, trying to remain as calm and collected as he could.

James stared at him for a full minute. _"Missing?"_

"Well, my dear ex-commodore, _technically_, the lovely ship that attacked us DOES belong to the infamous Davey Jones...so maybe she's...with him..._perhaps_?" his voice trailed off in horror, as he stared down the barrel of James' now visible, and quite loaded, gun. "Hey, hey now, mate..."

"Are you playing with me, Sparrow?" James questioned in a deadly whisper.

"Well-"

"Because," James interrupted in a somberlike voice, "I swear to the almighty heavens that I'll make you regret it greatly if you are."

"Erm-"

"Because if you are then you are dead, and if you are not, then you are dead also!" To say that the former commodore was pissed would be a joke.

"JAMES!" Elizabeth shouted, suddenly appearing, and running up the stairs at the noisy commotion. "DON'T!"

So now poor Jack...he was basically on the brink of death. With Elizabeth as his only form of protection. Let's all laugh for a second.

Ha, Ha!

Jack, cowering behind a skinny, little woman, in a puffy dress.

(Snicker)

What a loser.

(Snicker, snicker)

OK, all done.

"James, calm down!" the woman cried, standing in front of the Pirate with an air of authority. Damn her for being the damn governor's damn blacksmith marrying damn daughter. "Fighting isn't going to solve this or help with anything. So what happened THIS time?"

"She's gone."

Elizabeth paled. "Huh?"

"She's GONE!"

"Who's gone?"

"James' new girlfriend."

"She's not my-"

"Amaya's GONE?"

Jack nodded. "Apparently."

"Then why aren't you doing anything?" Elizabeth roared as Jack slunk back down low. "I can't afford to be seen right now...especially by them..." the Pirate explained quietly.

"..."

"So...why don't we just wait this out for a bit...after all...she seems like a very bright young woman..."

"YOU'LL RISK HER LIFE INSTEAD OF YOUR OWN?" Elizabeth screamed. James didn't say anything else. He just turned and made his way back to his cabin. Actually, it was THEIR cabin...but without Amaya it was now just...wait, why would HE care anyway? It was only lust after all, like with Elizabeth. It wasn't like he was...

"James…" Elizabeth tried.

"Don't." And then he was off the deck. Elizabeth, as soon as she saw that he was gone, rounded on Jack, hands on her hips, brow furrowed, and lips pursed into a very tight line.

"…why did you let them take her, Jack?"

"I didn't know!" he cried. "I kind of just found out two seconds ago!"

She shook her head at him. "You're supposed to be the one in charge here, Jack," her voice held sorrowful disappointment.

"Hang on now, Lizzy! How do we even know she's with him? I DIDN'T even-" Being a Captain was sometimes harder than it appeared to be. You were always blamed for everything, even the things that weren't your fault to begin with.

"Hey, don't you worry, alright? I'll get me crew to search the entire ship, saavy? And if she's really off with Jones then I'll get her back...even if it means me life, Lizzy."

His dark eyes held promise. "I'm not the Captain of the Black Pearl for nothing."

"..."

"And besides...she's made an imprint on my heart, too, savvy?"

"You'd better get her back safe…for your sake…"

"Oh bugger," Jack sighed, burying his face in his hands, after she had descended down and into the hold.

"GIBBS! ANAMARIA! HURRY YOUR ASSES AND MAKE AFTER THAT SHIP!" Jack hollered, rousing his crew.

"But, but Captain-" Gibbs began, pulling on his pants. Jack stared at him.

"Why did you have your pants off?"

"No apparent reason...I'm a drunk, remember?"

Jack sighed. "You really need to get laid."

Gibbs nodded. "Tell me about it."

"FULL STARBOARD AHEAD!"

(Wow…he's SO brave!)

Jack's Thoughts, However:

/Awww…crap. They're right. I don't wanna do this. We're all gonna die...maybe I can escape when no one's looking.../

"Dammit! The things I do for pretty girls!" Jack whined.

&&&&&

**Below Deck:**

"James?" Elizabeth questioned timidly, tapping on his door. "Are you alright?"

Silence.

"James..." she tried again. "Are you going to be alright now?" she soothed.

James slunk down heavily onto the floor, resting his tensed back against the door. "Why are you here, Elizabeth?" he asked in his usual tone. "Bored with Jack?"

She shrugged. "Nah. It seemed as though you could really use a friend right about now."

"Hm."

"You'd probably do the same for me."

He couldn't help but chuckle a bit. "Oh, I would?"

He could hear the smile in her voice. "Well...I'd like to _think _so."

"...Elizabeth?" he asked after a few seconds of refreshing silence.

"Yes?"

"What's it like to be in love?"

The question surprised her to say the least. "In love? Hmm. Well..." she tried to explain, "I think that being in love is when you keep thinking about one special person day in and day out. You can hardly live without them, because they have become your everything. You constantly crave to be near that person. When they are away from you, you feel incomplete, and lost. You want to grab ahold of them and never let them go, ever."

"..."

"That's how I feel around Will, at least. Why the sudden curiosity?"

"..."

"…_so what about you?" she questioned brightly, turning all of her attention over to Jack, who's handsome face had taken on a whole new meaning of the word predatory. "You look absolutely amazing," he declared, and a few seconds later he found himself reaching for her hand, before kissing it gently._

_"Aww...thank you," she giggled back._

_James felt the eye twitch regaining force. "I'm going to kill him."_

"James?"

"Elizabeth...do you...want to hear a secret? I suppose that I can trust you, at least."

"What is it?"

"I kissed her."

&&&&&

Maddy: Awwww...that was so sad...Steve, you have such a romantic side...

Steve: I try. (Beams)

Doug: Oh great...now they're gonna make out.

Ennis: Ew...get a _room_ you two!

Jack: Or at least a tent.

Corinne: WTF?

Jack: Wut? You can do _plenty_ in a tent-

Doug: SHUT UP!

Corinne: Oh GOD! Too much INFO!

Maddy: Uhm...yeah!

Steve: Please review!

TBC:

&&&&&


	7. Operation Picnic Basket!

**Oh Bugger**

"…" - Spoken

_Thoughts_

Summary: A girl from 2007 gets transported back in time to Tortuga, and gets 'saved' by a certain ex commodore.

**To all our loyal reviewers...you guys kick total ASS! We wouldn't know what to do without you!**

/Thoughts/

_Conscience_

"Regular"

&&&&&

Maddy: Oh look, a new chapter!

Corinne: YAY!

Doug: I'm so excited I could shit my pants!

Steve: ...too late.

&&&&&

Chapter Seven: Operation Picnic Basket!

&&&&&

"Oh, my sweet, beautiful Calypso!" a sing-songy voice cooed in her ear. Amaya cringed.

"FOR THE LAST TIME...I AM **NOT **YOUR DAMNED CALYPSO!!!!" she screamed, giving the creepy Captain of the creepy ghost ship filled with creepy tentacle-covered monster's a death glare that would even make Heero Yuy crap his pants.

Davey-Jones blinked at her. And then blinked again. "But Calypso--"

"AHHHHH! SHUT UP!"

"Ooh, what a good idea! I shall just kiss the words from your lips!"

Amaya twitched. WHAT THE HELL?

"Uhm...how about no?" she tried, but he wouldn't have anything to do with it. He bent down low, puckering his lips right in front of her face, and made disturbing kissy-noises. She felt as though she were going to blow chunks. "Uhm..._sweetie_...do you want a tic-tac first?" His breath was enough to kill a goat. And she was being _serious_.

He raised an eyebrow. "What is a 'tic-tac' my love?"

_Ewwwwww!_

"Uh...look, Mr. Octopus-Man..."

"_Davey_, sweetheart, remember?"

"Uh...right..._Davey..._I'm not really sure that I DESERVE you..." her hand found the doorknob just in time. She ducked at the last second, causing him to trip and go crashing out the door, landing heavily with an 'OOMPH'! Apparently he had landed on his head since she heard a groan, but she, herself, sighed in relief.

With a SLAM! the door locked shut.

/Whew...it's all too good a thing that I saw 'Beauty and the Beast...now to escape! Heh...escape is a funny word...esCAPE.../

"C-Calypso, my love...the door seems to have closed-"

BANG BANG! (Rattle)

OH, THE HUMANITY!!!

/NOOOOOOOOO/

"James, I'm going to KILL you when I get out of this, you hear me, you cream-puff?" she screamed, looking around her for some form of release. "Letting this freak kidnap me for no apparent reason, dammit! I let you KISS ME!"

Ah! A window!

/Oh crap...this is gonna be a squeeze.../

(Rattle)

/NOOOOOOOOO!/

She made up her mind, and threw herself through the window, not too happy to hear the sound of breaking glass.

/Oh shit, he must have heard that/

It wasn't as though he was THAT retarded, right?

RIGHT?

(Crickets chirping)

/He is, isn't he/

_'Do the words 'afraid of land' mean anything to you?'_

/Ah, yes, dirt...my immortal enemy.../

_'...wow. Do you even know where we are?'_

/Phfft, no. Social studies is for retards. /

_'You're an idiot.'_

/I am NOT/

_'Then stop hogging the plot line with your moronicness, ya dumb broad!'_

/I am NOT HOGGING the plot line/

_'Oh yeah? Just look at Barbosa!'_

/Who the HELL is Barbosa/

_'My point exactly.'_

"Calypso? Oh sweetheart, wherever are you?"

/Godammit! This guy just doesn't quit, does he? I know! I'm crawl away unsuspiciously! _No one_ is bound to notice that I'm avoiding the Captain of this ship and trying to escape from him and his pervertedness/

"What ARE you DOING?"

OH, THE IRONY!!!

Amaya glanced up, meeting the gaze of a handsome young man with a goatee and hair pulled back into a ponytail. He would have seemed elegantly sophisticated if not for the mud and blood covering his clothes.

She snorted. "What the hell does it LOOK like I'm doing, fruitcake? The FOXTROT?"

"FRUITCAKE?!" he snapped back, anger etched on his face. "_What _are you implying? Now just because I left my fiance at the alter to go off and run amok after a runaway pirate captain (that is UBER sexy) and tend to hang around with other males most of the time, it doesn't mean that I'm-"

"Don't be gousche, retard, all I was trying to say was that I'm escaping!"

"Oh..." (Crickets chirping) "...I...uhm...knew that."

SILENCE.

"...right."

"CALYPSO!!!!!!" Davey-Jones hollered, appearing out of nowhere. All the color drained out of Amaya's face.

"Quick! Hide me! He tried to touch me in a bad place!" she hissed, ducking behind him.

"Why should I?"

"If you do, I'll give you candy!"

"Oh boy! Candy!"

"Oi, Bootstrap's boy," a gruff voice caught his attention. "What are you doing up here?"

"Uh...just scoping the area, sir," he lied, pushing Amaya around behind him.

"Oh. Have you seen a brunette woman go by?"

"Uh...no sir."

_'Something's going to go wrong...something's going to go wrong...'_

/Shut up/ Amaya hissed. /I can't believe I'm at war with myself/

_'Just like our lord Jesus.'_

/What the HELL/

Suddenly...Amaya let out the noisest sneeze known to mankind. It was so enormous that babies started crying.

"ACHOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

/Goddamn it. /

_'Oh snap, I knew it!'_

"Cold, son?" Davey-Jones asked, completely oblivious to the shaking figure standing behind him.

"Uh...yes sir." He fidgeted.

"Then God bless you."

"Uh...thank you sir." He fidgeted some more.

_'Geez...how stupid can you BE?'_

/I didn't ask you. /

_'Didn't ask for that inappropriate placed piercing now either, did ya?'_

/How in the HELL do you KNOW about THAT/

_'Conscience, duh.'_

/Fuck off. /

"Hn. Well, can you keep an eye out for her, then?"

"Of course sir."

"Good." He walked away briskly.

Amaya shuddered before pulling away from him. "Thanks."

"Sure...now what was that you said about escaping?" something gleamed in the man's eyes.

Amaya blinked. "I said that I wanted to. Why?"

"Because I think that I know a way HOW," he smirked, looking extremely devilish.

(Cue squealing fangirls)

"You do?" Amaya gasped, hands clasped in front of her stupidly.

"Yes. Help me get some things and then we'll both get off his damned ship. Sound good?"

"HELL YEAH!" she cried, giving him a thumbs up.

"So we have a deal?"

"Yes!" she stuck out her hand. "Amaya Brown."

He took it warmly. "William Turner."

"NO WAY! YOU'RE ELIZABETH'S FIANCE?"

Will stepped back. "You know Elizabeth?"

"Yes! She's on Jack's ship along with James!"

"Jack? Ooh, that BASTARD!" Will snarled, clenching his fists.

"Yeah...so how did YOU end up on the ship from hell? I kind of fainted and woke up here..."

"Me? Oh...long story..."

FLASHBACK:

"Jack!" Will whined. "You don't understand! Elizabeth faces the gallows! 'Cause we helped you last time! I need that compass of yours in order to save her!"

Jack regarded him with a look. "You really want to save her?"

"Yes!"

"Help me find this, then," the Pirate stated, holding up a piece of cloth with a picture of a key on it. Will looked at him as though he were retarded.

"That's...a picture...of a key..." he stated as though it were obvious. "You want me to find this?"

"No...YOU want YOURself to find this key because YOU want to save Lizzie, understand?"

"That makes no sense. _That's _going to save Elizabeth? That key?"

"I'm a Pirate. Nothing I say makes sense. How much do you know about Davey Jones?"

"Uh...not much."

"Yeah...it's going to save Elizabeth."

"But Jack--"

Jack glared. "Do you want to go back in the box?"

"PLEASE DON'T SEND ME BACK THERE!"

Two Hours Later:

"_That's_ the Flying Dutchman? Doesn't look like much," Will said, staring the broken vessel up and down.

Jack snorted. "Neither do you. Do not underestimate her. Now into the boat."

Will shot him a questioning glance. "The...boat?"

"Why, yes...the boat. What's your plan, then?"

"Uh...go over there, search the ship...and get your bloody key?"

"Sounds good to me. Carry on!"

"Ugh."

"Oh, by the way, if they catch you...Jack Sparrow sent you to settle his debt."

"Why?"

"It just might save your life!" Jack replied cheekily, waving as Will began paddling his little rowboat.

"Somehow that doesn't comfort me much..."

FLASHBACK END:

"And that's how I ended up here!" Will finished. Amaya stared at him, disturbed on so many levels.

"Yeah..."

"Uh huh." said Will. /Oh no! If she was with Jack then I hope that they didn't see me in that bar...I couldn't help myself, dammit...I was so horny...oh, beautiful, singing dolphin...no one must ever know of our forbidden love.../

Amaya scowled, watching as his eyes glazed over. "Are you awake in there?"

"Huh?" Ew! Was that DROOL?

"Earth to Will!" she waved her hand in his face. "WILL! WAKE UP, DAMMIT!"

Too put on extra emphasis on her words, she punched him hard in the nuts.

"AHHHHHHHHH!" he screamed, collapsing. "I'm awake, I'm awake!"

Ten Minutes Later...

"What do you suppose we do? After all, you're the one that suggested that we work together!"

Will just shrugged, still holding his crouch. "Eh...I don't know, I guess. Come up with a plan or something?"

Amaya fell over.

Ten Minutes Later...

"ARE YOU EFFING RETARDED? DON'T SUGGEST THINGS UNLESS YOU CAN BACK THEM UP, DUMBASS!"

"I'm sorry," Will whined, sporting a fresh black eye. "I'm bad at this 'hero' stuff!"

"OK! Then _I'll_ come up with a plan, moron! Operation Picnic Basket commences!"

Will raised an eyebrow. "Operation...'picnic basket'?"

Amaya glared at him. "You got a better plan, peanut brain?"

(Frogs croaking)

"...can I make a sandcastle?"

SILENCE.

"You are about to get SUCH a spanking."

Will gulped. "Shutting up."

"Good."

"Hey...what about my candy?!"

&&&&&

And Now For A Moment With The Black Pearl

&&&&&

James: "I think we're gaining on them!"

Jack: "Yes, we're bloody well gaining on them all thanks to you."

James: "What's THAT supposed to mean?"

Jack: "Exactly what it sounds like!

James: "And what's it sound like?"

Jack: "Like you and your bloody obsession are going to kill us all!"

James: "I do not have a bloody obsession!"

Jack: "Do so!"

James: "Do not!"

Jack: "Jamie's in denial! Jamie's in denial!"

James: "Shut up! _You're_ the one thatlet them take Amaya away!"

Jack: "Aye, but you want to take something _else _away from her, don't ya mate?"

James: "..."

Jack: "Too bad I'm gonna get there and take it first."

OMFG.

James: "WHY YOU SICK-"

Jack: "Ah, ah, ah."

Anamaria: "Fight! Fight!"

Gibbs: "Knock his socks off, Jack!"

James: "In your face, old man, I'm not wearing socks!"

Gibbs: "Awww, nuts."

Elizabeth: "Guys-stop it! STOPPIT!"

(Enter Kill Bill Theme)

James: "You're going DOWN, SPARROW!"

Jack: "Ooh-look! I'm shaking in my pirate boots!"

Anamaria: "I bet on the Commodore."

Gibbs: "Nah, Jack has better glutes."

Anamaria: "Yes, but Norrington has killer abs."

Gibbs: "True, true."

James: "DIEEEE!"

Jack: "Eat my fancy hat!"

James: "Eat my wig!"

Jack: "Eat my compass!"

Anamaria: "This fight sucks."

Gibbs: "I agree. Let's go and get some grub."

James: "JackASS!"

Jack: "English fruitbasket!"

Elizabeth: "GUYS!"

Jack: "Conceited prick!"

James: "Vain maytr!"

Elizabeth: "ARGGGH! HONESTLY, I HATE MEN!"

&&&&&

Till Next Time:

&&&&&

Maddy: Such randomness!

Corinne: FUNNY randomness!

Jack: You know what else is fun-

Maddy: I've the the body bag!

Doug: I've got the handcuffs!

Corinne: I've got the chloroform!

Steve: I've got the duct-tape!

Jack & Ennis: NOOOOOOOOOOO!

Two Hrs. Later...

Ennis: Hey...where'd Jack go?

Jack: (Currently surrounded by drooling fanguys)

Maddy: We did good.

Steve: Undoubtably!

Doug: I agree.

Corinne: Me too!

Jack: AHHHHH! HELP ME!!!

Corinne: Shut up. You deserve it.

&&&&&

TBC:


	8. The 9th Chapter Trailer

**Oh Bugger**

"…" - Spoken

_Thoughts_

Summary: A girl from 2007 gets transported back in time to Tortuga, and gets 'saved' by a certain ex commodore.

**To all our loyal reviewers...you guys kick total ASS! We wouldn't know what to do without you!**

&&&&&

**Oh Bugger: The Ninth Chapter Trailer**

&&&&&

(Cue creepy, movie-trailer voice)

_In a world where two girls and their boyfriends are totally bored beyond comprehension...and one laptop seems to dictate the future of mankind..._

Amaya: "I'm more popular than Elmo!"

_One girl must have the courage...to face things beyond her worst nightmares..._

Amaya: "OH MY GOD! WILL IS WEARING **SPANDEX**!"

_And the skill..._

Amaya: "Uhm...here's a fishing pole...go knock yourself out."

Jack: "Okay!" (Bashes himself in the head)

Amaya: "Not **literally**, you dumbass!!!"

_With a crew that must overcome all odds..._

James: "This time Jack...there's no WAY you'll out flirt me!"

Jack: "You just don't know WHEN to quit, do you?"

_To defeat the forces of evil..._

Davey-Jones: "Hahahahahaha! I'm an evil villian. Fear my generic motives."

Will: "Oh, the indignity!"

Davey-Jones: "For my ugliness gives me super strength!"

Will: "Oh, the humanity!"

_With a cheap plastic replica of the human heart..._

Amaya: "Goddamn...this story sucks...who funds our budget?"

_Sometime during this month...as destiny unfolds...the chapter of the century will arrive..._

**Oh Bugger: The Ninth Chapter!!!**

Starring:

Amaya Brown:

Amaya: "Don't worry...as long as I hook up with SOMEONE in this fanfic, we're bound to have a sequel!"

James Norrington:

James: "I'm surprisingly buff!"

Elizabeth Swann:

Elizabeth: "Can I have some more lines?"

Amaya: "Screw you; get your OWN damn story!"

Jack Sparrow:

Jack: "Ugh...well, I **could **do a lot WORSE then **this **poopdeck."

Will Turner:

Will: "_I'm_ making a delicious crossiant."

Amaya: "It's not a very subtle pun."

Everyone else: O.o;

Mr. Gibbs:

Gibbs: "For some reason putting on my pants has caused me to become severely injured..."

Anamaria:

Anamaria: "I usually prefer boxers to briefs."

Jack: "What the BEEP?"

Also starring Davey-Jones as the BIG BAD WOLF:

Davey-Jones: "I am going to destroy the world with my seemingly ineffective powers."

Amaya: "Not if I put this bottle of laxatives in your food, you won't, bitch."

And introducing Barbosa...as man mentioned but never appearing in this fanfic:

Amaya: "Eh...we'll squeeze him into one of the chapters."

Barbosa: "What was that? ...damn! All those apples made me deaf!"

_If you only read __**one **__fanfic this month that is utterly pointless and revolves around insane Pirate randomness..._

James: "Well, honestly, the only reason I'm even rescuing that bitch is to prove to the audience that I'm not asexual."

Will: "You're not?"

James: "...prepare yourself for that spanking."

_...then let it be __**THIS **__one!_

Jack: "Holy crap! WHY the hell is Will naked and sitting on my bed?"

James: "Now THIS is MY kind of fanfic."

_All of your questions __**will **__be answered..._

_Like..._

_**WHO WILL AMAYA FINALLY CHOOSE?**_

Amaya: "Oh fuck this...where's my agent?"

_**WHY DID JAMES WANT TO JOIN THE CREW IN THE FIRST PLACE?**_

James: "Not even **I** know the answer to THAT one..."

_**WHY DOESN'T DAVEY-JONES WEAR A MASK?**_

Davey-Jones: "Are you implying something?"

_**WHY DOES WILL ACT SO GAY?**_

Will: "Yeah...**acts **like..." (Shifty eyes)

Elizabeth: "Holy cow, I never even SAW that coming!"

_**AND WILL JACK **__**FINALLY**__** BE ABLE TO BEAT NORRINGTON IN A GAME OF 'GO FISH'?**_

Jack: "Got any foursies?"

James: "Go fish. Man, you're HORRENDOUS!"

Jack: "Screw this game!!!"

**IT WILL ALL BE SEEN IN 'OH BUGGER'---THE NINTH CHAPTER!**

**Be prepared...**

&&&&&


	9. The Flashback Saga!

**Oh Bugger**

"…" - Spoken

_Thoughts_

Summary: A girl from 2007 gets transported back in time to Tortuga, and gets 'saved' by a certain ex commodore.

**To all our loyal reviewers...you guys kick total ASS! We wouldn't know what to do without you!**

/Thoughts/

_Conscience_

"Regular"

Corinne: Holy crap! It's been a long time!

Maddy: Yeah...all because of my spanish grade. Man, I suck!

Corinne: Dude...you have a 94...

Maddy: IT'S NOT HIGH ENOUGH!!!!

Corinne: Sheesh, touchy...anywhoo, we do not own Pirates or Disney!

Maddy: But we do own porn!

Corinne: WE DO NOT!

Maddy: I know, I know...geez...I just wanted to feel special...

Corinne: SIGH.

&&&&&

Chapter Nine: The Flashback Saga!

&&&&&

"I've got an idea!" Will announced suddenly, looking pleased with himself. "Jack and I went to see some strange woman that kept touching my hand...she told us the story of Davey Jones falling in love with a woman as untamable as the sea or something..."

Amaya twitched.

"I'm being _serious!_ And afterwards I was talking with some of the monsters in the brig. It went something like this..."

FLASHBACK:

(Will and some ugly-looking bastards were busy playing something along the lines of strip-polker. Will is down to his briefs and tunic. The rest of the the monsters are wearing their knickers. Will's father, Bootstrap Bill, who has never been introuduced to the plot-line before, stumbles in, looking drunk off his ass)

Bootstrap Bill: "That's my boy! Show them what Turner's are made of, son!"

Creepy Monster # 1: "So, how much do you bet, laddie?"

Will: "My virginity!"

FLASHBACK END:

"Uhm..." the brunette woman stared at him strangely. "How exactly does THAT give us any information?"

Will clicked his tongue, and rolled his eyes, sticking his hip out. "Well, I was getting to that if you'll LET me!" he snapped.

Amaya twitched again. OMG.

FLASHBACK:

Creepy Monster #2: "I heard the Captain talking about Jack Sparrow...he said that Sparrow's up to something."

Bootstrap Bill: "That Sparrow's gotta nice can..."

Will: "Oh?"

Creepy Monster #3: "Yep, that's what I heard, too. Anyway, I bet twenty-thousand years on this ship."

Creepy Monster #1: "Three-thousand."

Creepy Monster #2: "One-thousand."

Will: "What about Jack planning something?"

Creepy Monster #2: "Oh, nothing much. Just something along the lines of stealing the Captain's heart and destroying it."

Creepy Monster #3: "Yeah, nothing too important."

Creepy Monster #1: "Yeah, it just means that if he manages to do it, we'll all be free for the rest of our lives."

Creepy Monster #2: "True. But whoever destoys it must take the Captain's place."

Creepy Monster #3: "But the key to the chest the Captain put the heart in is around his neck...so we doubt Jack'll be able to open it."

Creepy Monster #2: "And if he does, that means our dental-plan goes right down the tubes..."

(Suddenly, Davey-Jones bursts in, looking aggravated)

Davey-Jones: "I can't find Calypso anywhere!"

Monsters: "We haven't seen her boss!"

Will: "I'm going to do something beneficial to the story in a burst of courageousness! Jones! I challenge you to a wham-bam-slam! If I win this game of strip-polker, you give me that key around your neck! If not, you can rape me for all eternity!"

Davey-Jones: "Hmm...I don't know how you knew about my shiny key...but you're a pretty blacksmith with a tempting offer. I accept your challenge!"

Bootstrap Bill: "NOOOOO! I get to play, too! There's no WAY that I'm letting YOU take my son's virginity!"

(Two Hours Later:)

Will: "NOOOOOO! I lost!"

Bootstrap Bill: (Snoring, due to passing out)

Davey-Jones: "It's raping time!"

Will: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

FLASHBACK END:

"That..." Amaya said softly. "Is...DISTURBING. So, very, very disturbing..."

"That's why I ran away!" Will stated happily. "But don't you see? All we have to do is get that key! Jack was talking about taking Jones's heart when I was with him on the Pearl, well, before he pawned me off to save his own hide!"

FLASHBACK:

"Well, William," said Jack. "Davey-Jones is after me."

"Jack..." Will replied, not-looking surprised. "When ISN'T somebody after you?"

"SHUT UP!" Jack snapped back, looking worried. "We MUST get to his heart, and destroy it! I'm too beautiful to be raped!"

"Uh, Jack?" Will said, confused. "What are you talking about?"

"Oh, silly me. Listen, I made a deal with an ugly-creature named Davey-Jones, saavy? He promised me 13 years as a pirate Captain, and in exchange, I gave him my soul. But, you see, I kind of LIKE my soul, and I plan on keeping it. The only way out of this pickle is to destroy the heart of Davey-Jones. He buried it in a chest, on a deserted island, and the legend says that if you destroy his heart, you destroy him. Then I get my soul back!"

"Jack...you still HAVE your soul."

"That's not the POINT! We must destroy that heart! And the only way to open the chest is with that infernal key that monster has!"

"Then...just get the key from him, Jack!"

"It's not that easy, Will..."

Two Days Later:

Jack: "And just how many souls do you think mine is worth?"

Davey-Jones: "99 souls. You have 3 days to barter. And I keep your boy, Will, as a faith payment!"

Jack Sparrow: "Fine, fine. Oh, he's in love by the way. With a girl."

Will: "Oh my stars and garters! Jack---DON'T DO THIS TO MEEEEEEEE!"

Davey-Jones: "A girl? Are you serious?"

FLASHBACK END:

"See! All we have to do is get that key!" Will exclaimed.

Amaya blinked, pulling a chain out from underneath her dress. Attached to the chain was a golden key. "Uh...do you mean this one???"

"H-HOW DID YOU GET THAT?"

"Uhm...when he tried to stick his tongue in my mouth? Figured I'd swap it for something expensive."

Will fell over.

&&&&&

And Now For A Moment With The Black Pearl

&&&&&

Elizabeth rushed after Jack, looking all cutesy in her pirate cap, and snarled at him. Apparently Jack had taken away the letters Elizabeth had...uhm..._persuaded _Beckett to sign. No one really wanted to question that. "Jack, the letters, give them back!" she whined, tugging on his coat. "I need them for Will! I need them! Stop looking at them, Jack, please!"

"Persuade me," he whispered, flirting. James snickered, looking up from his deck scrubbing.

"Mr. Sparrow...you do realize that Will taught me how to handle a sword?" the woman snapped back, smiling a little.

"Like I said before. Persuade me," he whispered again before walking off, still clutching the letters. James rolled his eyes. Did the Swann woman have no shame whatsoever? After all, she was engaged to be married, and yet was flirting with a Pirate.

"It's a curious thing, you know..." he drawled, standing up and walking over to her. "There was a time that I would have given anything for you to look at _me _like that..."

Elizabeth glanced over at him casually. "I don't know what you're talking about."

James glanced back. "Oh, I think that you do."

"Don't be absurd...I trust him is all."

&&&&&

"You have to get out of here, William!" Bootstrap Bill whispered, leading his son to a small rowboat that had surprisingly set up for them already. "And while he's at it, you can escape too, dear! Now hurry up and get into the shiny, little boat!"

"Aww...your Father is so nice!" Amaya squealed.

"Yes...he really is," Will answered, settling into the boat and helping her into it as well.

"You two hurry up and get married!" Bill said happily, lowering it into the water.

Amaya and Will looked at each other.

"Excuse me?"

"Have lots of grandchildren!"

"Yeah..."

"Tell them about Grandpa Bill!"

"Uh huh..."

"Make sure you have a good honeymoon!"

"Uh...sure Dad."

"Have fun! She's a pretty one, son!"

"Er..."

&&&&&

TBC:


End file.
